Dating nurses- a rebuttal to “The Blogger”

Let me first point out, this is written in response to something a man wrote. Yes, I know he was probably trying to be clever, however what he wrote struck a sour note with me.

So, short synopsis: nurses are mean dates because they have to spend all day caring for others, while attorneys are nice dates because they are sharks all day. While I am convinced that he was trying to be clever, and to find some way to justify his large number of first dates, he ended up making some asinine comments that I wanted to respond to.

Now, I was going to make this a rebuttal. I am not. I am just going to share some of my experiences.

First of all, most of the nurses I know (and I know a lot of nurses, I AM a nurse) are multifaceted women with outgoing personalities. We tend to be a little no-nonsense, while maintaining a terrific sense of humor. We like to joke and have a good time, we trade war stories, and we spend incredibly long hours with people in various states of health. At the end of the day, it is at times difficult to turn off our nursing personas, and to be regular people.

Wait. What? We are not regular people? Of course we are! We just happen to have an all-consuming career that changes our personalities on a molecular level. (Throwing some science words in there because he likened his experiences with two nurses and two attorneys to valid research.)

One of the more interesting aspects of nursing is the necessity of always appearing confident even in truly scary situations. It’s a captious predicament. (My dictionary app had that as the word of the day, I decided to use it. It fits.) We have to portray the ever cool and in control professional, all while wracking our brains trying to figure out the right thing to do. Oh, and now let’s throw in the fact that we do not want to seem like a know-it-all, and to presume to tell our coworkers or the physicians we deal with what to do. Through out all of this, we also have to figure out what we need to happen, and to make it happen without creating strife. (I realize this paragraph makes no sense, however it is difficult to talk about nursing in generic terms without using specific situations that could somehow impede on patient privacy, and this is a situation I am not willing to risk.)

So, moving on from nursing. Let’s talk about dating.

I am a girl with a rather ummm…. strong personality. I am loud, opinionated, and lacking a filter. This tends to make me a rather polarizing figure. Typically people either like me or hate me. I am not one of those people to inspire indifference. (Perhaps I am wrong about this, but it has been my experience.) So, when meeting new people I have made an effort to tone it all down. I tend to try to read the situation, and to behave appropriately. I often fail.

I am either too quiet, or too loud. (For those of you shaking your head and wondering when I am ever quiet- bite me.) This tends to create a feeling of discontent within me, and then I am irritable. There is no worse feeling that knowing that you are not being cool. I know, I know just be yourself. If people don’t like you for you, then they are not worth your time. The thing is, most of us are many different things, and it is hard to know which personality to use in particular situations. (No, I do not have multiple personalities, I just have a lot of personality. Or not. Depends on who you ask.)

Excuse ME????

Let me tell you about something embarrassing- the other day, Facebook called me fat. Well, it insinuated it anyway.

I gotta be honest. My feelings were hurt. For one thing, that guy looks like an ass. For another, HE CAN HANDLE MY LOVE HANDLES???? what? This is one of the infuriating things about being a fat single girl. I am no more attracted to men who find overweight attractive than I am to men who find thin and skinny attractive. Not to sound like a hypocrite, but I want a man who sees me as a person, and who supports my goals. If I were to meet a man who is “into big girls,” is he going to find me less attractive as I continue on this journey? It’s quite the conundrum. So, for now I am not interested in dating nearly as much as I am interested in becoming a healthier person.

Oh, that got off track there. Back to generic dating.

There is a real danger of judging a personality on a first date alone. We rarely show our true colors while in a new situation. If you have a ton of first dates, perhaps you need to examine yourself and focus less on the other person. Also, if you have a lot of bad first dates could it be that your personality is bringing out the worst in your potential paramour? Just to reference the initial blog that started this. If your date was thirty minutes late, it is quite possible that she was embarrassed and there is this guy who was about to leave, and now is sitting there tapping his foot in impatient and silent judgment. Yeah, that would put me on edge. I would possibly find myself being defensive and argumentative. After all, some of us tend to lash out when we are embarrassed. What did you do to set her at ease? I would imagine nothing. She was late and did not apologize. How rude. So, there you have it, two people who are feeling unappreciated, and we wonder why the date went badly.

Women are complicated. I have heard that my entire life (out of the mouths of men.) I tend to lean the other way. Women are simple. We want to be appreciated, noticed, and cared about. We need to matter.

Men are complicated. I have said that my entire life. Probably not true. Men want to be appreciated, noticed, and cared about. They need to matter.

Hmm. Maybe dating is not so complicated. Perhaps we need to step outside the box, and stop waiting for someone to respond in whatever fleeting mood we happen to be in. Maybe we should make it more about what I can do to ease this person’s insecurities. Perhaps, we need to lighten up, and just try to have a good time. If everyone spent a little less time waiting for someone to rescue them, and spent a little more time being truly interested in the people who we spend time with, we might surprise ourselves, and find the person we have been looking for.

***This is probably a mess-

***It may have some interesting points though.

***I am about to do a TM with “The Blogger”- So, if you are reading this- It may or may not be a joke. I am noncommittal on this fact. Whatever prevents you from having a defensive reaction. 😉

Why I Don’t Feel Guilty

IMG_7177Ha! I do not feel guilty about cheating anymore.
Of course I am talking about my cheating, lying ways on Words with Friends. I advertised somewhat publicly on my blog that I am cheating. If my “friends” were reading my blog, they would know. They really have no excuse. This is why I don’t feel guilty.

I am really kidding. Well, not about the cheating part. I am cheating.

I really like winning.

Now, if only there were a good way to cheat on Trivia Crack….

No, that one will stay pure.


Trivia Crack, Words With Friends, and PlayBuzz Quizzes

Why is it that we are so easily enamored by this nonsense? Give me a game, especially one where I can compete with my “friends” and Friends, and I am happy as a clam. (By the way, how happy are clams? What are they so excited about? Why is this even a saying?) I have no idea why Trivia Crack is so much fun. But, seriously… It is CRACK! You find yourself jonesing for a new life so you can start a new game, and why on Earth are they not playing? Do they not know I need to play? Ugh… So annoying.

Now, there are all these people who get all kinds of bent out of shape if someone sends them a game request. Do they understand that you have to get people on your team, it helps you plant your field or whatever. This is not solitaire folks. If you don’t want to play, then ignore my request. My favorite is people who say “I don’t have time to play stupid Facebook games.” Okay, you do realize that you are talking about not having time to participate in the only useful part of FB right? I mean you are complaining about people wasting your time on what may be the biggest time suck ever. Get over yourself. Imagine if no one ever invited you to play. You would be like Rudolph. (You know, the reindeer. He was never invited to play games either. It made him sad. He ran away. Remember?)

Seriously people! I am waiting here!!!!

Now there are APPS!!!! You can connect to your FB friends and have a whole bunch of people to play with. I have actually been sitting next to someone, (you know, spending quality time…) while we competed in a friendly round of Trivia Crack. “HAHAHAHA!!! I beat you! You think you are so smart!!!! I WON!!! Yes. I am the Champion…” (Of a FB game, but still a champion.) You can track your Achievements and see how you measure up against your friends. This is awesome. I mean, you need a concrete way to be measured on your worthiness as a person. You have to be really super smart to play Trivia Crack.




this is one of the pics I used to cheat with CheatMaster 5000. I am ashamed.

Now, Words with Friends. Okay, if you are currently playing me, I have once again resorted to cheating. I am sorry. I can’t help it. I was losing so badly. ALL THE TIME! It was not good for my self-esteem. I feel fairly certain some of these other fools are cheating too. They are coming up with way too many fake words. It is still fun. I cannot keep up the ruse that I am not cheating. I am using CheatMaster 5000. It even sounds a little scientific. Nope. Just a cheater. I feel the need to win. Oh, well. Now you know. If you don’t want to play with me anymore, I understand.




Because who doesn’t need to know if they have basic Modern Manners?

PlayBuzz Quizzes. Once again, there is now an App. The most fun part is seeing how your results compare with your friend’s results. We compulsively share them on our news feeds. After all, these quizzes are totally scientific, and we stand to learn a lot about ourselves. Seriously, if you cannot afford therapy, just spend some real time taking PlayBuzz quizzes. You can find out what Frozen character you are, then read up on their personalities. It is a window to your soul.




Okay, so here’s the point. Facebook gives us so many opportunities to connect to other people, and more importantly, it gives us an easy distraction. So, if you get tired of seeing pictures of everyone’s dinner, their baby pictures, their vacation pictures, and their endless health updates; join the dark side. Come play Trivia Crack. I need more games going. It is taking too much time for my lives to regenerate and I need a fix.

If I Had A Million Dollars

Honestly, right now I am feeling like Dr. Evil. Remember that highly active imagination I have? Well, one of my favorite fantasies is… What if I were RICH? Now, the fantasy is not to be well- off or just comfortable. No, I mean is, what amount of money would make money no longer an issue? What if I could do ANYTHING at any time? So, I sometimes ponder- how much money would I need? A million dollars probably would not cut it in my fantasy- but, I like the number. So, just multiply by some other number that would leave me filthy rich.

Hmmm. Fun. What would I do? What kind of person would I be? Would I flit around the world with a private jet? Going from one island to another? Party in Paris? Would I have a job? Would I still have the job I have now? I say now, with all earnestness I might add, of course I would keep my job. A girl’s gotta work. However, if I could do anything… would I really? Probably not. Let’s be honest. If I could do anything, I would seek to make a difference in as many different areas as possible. I would donate money to charities. I would start a foundation. I would help someone!!!! I am pretty sure that most people say that.

Can I focus on the shallow stuff for a minute?

First of all, I would help my family. I would make sure that everyone had a home they loved. I would make sure that those four little boys in my life had their educations paid for. I would make sure that they had a little something for the future. I would ensure that my Mom and Don, and grandparents had whatever they needed for the rest of their lives. I picture buying some land and building homes where all my people were in one spot. (Now, I would not live there. I would just want them readily available. I am kidding. kind of.) Kind of like a little utopia filled with all the people I love. Can you imagine a little village for my tribe? Wouldn’t that be fun? I would give them every comfort and luxury they could imagine. I am sure my family is shuddering at the thought of my personal little prison filled with gadgets. Can you imagine someone trying to dictate where you live, and how you spend your time? (Well, this is my selfish fantasy.) Wow, how quickly it turns from doing something for them, to do something for me. Interesting how that works.

You see, I have an issue with wanting to “fix” things. I do not like it when my people are struggling. In my fantasy, money fixes all. (Now, obviously money cannot buy happiness,) but, it sure can buy a lot of toys. Who doesn’t like toys?

Okay, now remember, money is no issue. This means that I am going to have to have my friends available for adventures all the time. I guess they had better have their own neighborhood in my little village. Oh, you have a career? No worries. I’ll take care of you. I need people to play with. (Now, my friends are all perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but- I cannot let their jobs interfere with our adventures.) Oh, they have their own plans for their own adventures? Well, too bad, this is my fantasy.

Wow, all this money has made me selfish. WHAT? I am giving people everything!!! This is decidedly unfair.

Hmmm. Maybe instead of “caring” for all the people I love, I should focus more on philanthropy. What causes would speak to my heart most of all? Probably education. I would help people who really wanted to get an education, and I would try to get them whatever support they needed to reach their full potential. (You know, that may not require all that much money- support does not always have to be financial. That’s a thought I should ponder more later.)

You see, there is really no amount of money that would make money not an issue. Even the most benevolent people would struggle with not tying strings (okay, may nooses) to their gifts. When you start giving people money, it is human nature to try to tell people how to spend it, and how they should live- after all, you gave them money. THEY OWE YOU. Does this mean that you own them? Exactly what do they owe you? LOYALTY? Yikes. Maybe all this money is making me an evil dictator. But, they have a pool. I am pretty sure they are happy. Yeah, I would be happy.

Okay, well I guess if we have figured out anything at all, it is that I probably don’t need to end up with an endless supply of money. It would probably not be a good idea for me to enslave all the people I love. damn, that makes me a little sad.

*Now, mostly this is a joke. Not entirely of course. It would be totally cool to have a little village where everyone I love always had all of their material needs met. But, that is really not realistic.

**If anyone finds themselves with a large sum of cash they need to dispose of- there is a nice little charity called the “Nyki really wants a Porsche Fund” and, it is always taking donations. (The fund manager is still waiting anxiously for the first deposit.)

***Seriously, I would totally donate lots of money. I’m a giver.

This Shouldn’t Happen

Last night, I was on my way to bed… with the intention of waking up early and heading to the gym for a cardio session. Instead, I got up and walked into my living room- and turned on my TV. I wanted to see the aftermath of the grand jury decision in Ferguson. I was pretty sure that the police officer would not face indictment, and- that was my hope.

I hear the media talking about how the grand jury was probably wrong. And, I hear the analyst spouting their crap about how there was a miscarriage of justice. I even heard one woman saying that this criminal (Michael Brown), should not have been pursued- her rationale- “it was a box of cigars!”

My answer to that sentiment is based on a deep respect for law enforcement officers- and my desire to see criminals removed from society. We cannot let people get away with petty crime, and we must do whatever it takes to protect our local businesses from thuggish behavior. The evidence has shown that the young man was aggressive towards a peace officer. In my opinion- no public servant should have to cower before an assailant. I do not believe that this young man was shot because he was black- he was shot because he was a big, scary asshole who was trying to avoid arrest. He was a jackass.

So, No. This should not happen. Young men should not attack shopkeepers and take merchandise without paying for the goods. Young men should not intimidate the public with acts of aggression. Twelve year olds should not be brandishing weapons and pointing them at other children on the playground. I do not even consider race as an issue. I do not care what color your skin is. Don’t be a thug. Don’t steal, attack, abuse, sell drugs, and commit other crimes. Go out and get a job and be a productive member of society. If Michael Brown had been a white guy and behaved in the same manner that this young man had— he still would have been shot.

We have a responsibility to protect our public interest. As a society, we deserve to live in a community that is free from violence. We deserve the right to have a business without fear of bands of hoodlums traveling to our community with the soul intention of tearing it down. There are many victims in this situation and unfortunately, I believe the only thing Michael Brown was a victim of- was his own bad decisions. I feel sad for his parents they lost their son. However, if you look at the facts- they most likely lost him long before his criminal mischief was stopped by a bullet. I am disappointed in the people who went around setting fires- shooting guns- throwing rocks- and vandalizing their town. I am disgusted by the random acts of looting. What kind of message does that send? Who wants to listen now? The right to protest does not include the right to riot. The media needs to stop calling these assholes protesters. They are rioters. They are criminals. Use your words. Stop acting like toddlers with matches. This is a tantrum. I am sickened by it.


13 Years

I cannot believe that it has already been 13 years since the day that changed so much for my country. I remember it like it was yesterday. My mother driving to my apartment- because I did not answer the phone… and telling me “they” were crashing planes into the Pentagon and WTC. I told her that she had a bad dream- and that was a Tom Clancy book. Then, I turned on the news. I was never the same again.

I remember sitting and feeling a desperation for news. Craving an explanation that could help me understand how this could happen. I cried for the loss of life. I cried for my own fear- what if they attack me? I was angry. Mostly- I was scared. The terrorist got what they wanted. Our entire country changed that day. What drives a human being to have such total disregard for life? What defense to you have against someone who is willing to die for their cause? It did not matter how much information I was assaulted with. I did not understand. I still do not understand.

I took a fiction class in college. We read a book called The Go-Between. It was set in 1900. It was supposedly a metaphor for the innocence the world lived in prior to WWI. 9/11 was an event that had global implications to a similar magnitude.

I am not going to join the debate as to whether or not the US should have gone to war- or if we have handled any of this right. I want to talk about the way this has all affected me. It is not that I do not care about the war in Iraq or Afghanistan… I just don’t know enough about it. What I have seen though- is a public justification to alienate people based on our differences. Religion- culture- race… At the risk of sounding like a child- why does all this matter so much? Are we not all people? Where has the desire to relate on a human level gone? Why do people in other countries want to hurt me and my fellow countrymen just because we are American? Why do Americans voice a desire to wipe entire countries off the planet? I do not know a solution to this situation. It is a sociological nightmare to me. How do you cross the river and learn to respect people simply because they are human? How do you put aside wars that have been raging since the dawn of civilization? How do you tell people to stop using those “sacred” texts as rational justification for hate? Have we not evolved enough as a species to apply rational thought to our belief system? How do you change centuries old ideas that are archaic and outdated?

I want a global community. I want to live with the expectation that I will not hurt people- and people will not hurt me. I want the John Lennon song. I want the world to live as one.