Let me first point out, this is written in response to something a man wrote. Yes, I know he was probably trying to be clever, however what he wrote struck a sour note with me.
So, short synopsis: nurses are mean dates because they have to spend all day caring for others, while attorneys are nice dates because they are sharks all day. While I am convinced that he was trying to be clever, and to find some way to justify his large number of first dates, he ended up making some asinine comments that I wanted to respond to.
Now, I was going to make this a rebuttal. I am not. I am just going to share some of my experiences.
First of all, most of the nurses I know (and I know a lot of nurses, I AM a nurse) are multifaceted women with outgoing personalities. We tend to be a little no-nonsense, while maintaining a terrific sense of humor. We like to joke and have a good time, we trade war stories, and we spend incredibly long hours with people in various states of health. At the end of the day, it is at times difficult to turn off our nursing personas, and to be regular people.
Wait. What? We are not regular people? Of course we are! We just happen to have an all-consuming career that changes our personalities on a molecular level. (Throwing some science words in there because he likened his experiences with two nurses and two attorneys to valid research.)
One of the more interesting aspects of nursing is the necessity of always appearing confident even in truly scary situations. It’s a captious predicament. (My dictionary app had that as the word of the day, I decided to use it. It fits.) We have to portray the ever cool and in control professional, all while wracking our brains trying to figure out the right thing to do. Oh, and now let’s throw in the fact that we do not want to seem like a know-it-all, and to presume to tell our coworkers or the physicians we deal with what to do. Through out all of this, we also have to figure out what we need to happen, and to make it happen without creating strife. (I realize this paragraph makes no sense, however it is difficult to talk about nursing in generic terms without using specific situations that could somehow impede on patient privacy, and this is a situation I am not willing to risk.)
So, moving on from nursing. Let’s talk about dating.
I am a girl with a rather ummm…. strong personality. I am loud, opinionated, and lacking a filter. This tends to make me a rather polarizing figure. Typically people either like me or hate me. I am not one of those people to inspire indifference. (Perhaps I am wrong about this, but it has been my experience.) So, when meeting new people I have made an effort to tone it all down. I tend to try to read the situation, and to behave appropriately. I often fail.
I am either too quiet, or too loud. (For those of you shaking your head and wondering when I am ever quiet- bite me.) This tends to create a feeling of discontent within me, and then I am irritable. There is no worse feeling that knowing that you are not being cool. I know, I know just be yourself. If people don’t like you for you, then they are not worth your time. The thing is, most of us are many different things, and it is hard to know which personality to use in particular situations. (No, I do not have multiple personalities, I just have a lot of personality. Or not. Depends on who you ask.)
Let me tell you about something embarrassing- the other day, Facebook called me fat. Well, it insinuated it anyway.
I gotta be honest. My feelings were hurt. For one thing, that guy looks like an ass. For another, HE CAN HANDLE MY LOVE HANDLES???? what? This is one of the infuriating things about being a fat single girl. I am no more attracted to men who find overweight attractive than I am to men who find thin and skinny attractive. Not to sound like a hypocrite, but I want a man who sees me as a person, and who supports my goals. If I were to meet a man who is “into big girls,” is he going to find me less attractive as I continue on this journey? It’s quite the conundrum. So, for now I am not interested in dating nearly as much as I am interested in becoming a healthier person.
Oh, that got off track there. Back to generic dating.
There is a real danger of judging a personality on a first date alone. We rarely show our true colors while in a new situation. If you have a ton of first dates, perhaps you need to examine yourself and focus less on the other person. Also, if you have a lot of bad first dates could it be that your personality is bringing out the worst in your potential paramour? Just to reference the initial blog that started this. If your date was thirty minutes late, it is quite possible that she was embarrassed and there is this guy who was about to leave, and now is sitting there tapping his foot in impatient and silent judgment. Yeah, that would put me on edge. I would possibly find myself being defensive and argumentative. After all, some of us tend to lash out when we are embarrassed. What did you do to set her at ease? I would imagine nothing. She was late and did not apologize. How rude. So, there you have it, two people who are feeling unappreciated, and we wonder why the date went badly.
Women are complicated. I have heard that my entire life (out of the mouths of men.) I tend to lean the other way. Women are simple. We want to be appreciated, noticed, and cared about. We need to matter.
Men are complicated. I have said that my entire life. Probably not true. Men want to be appreciated, noticed, and cared about. They need to matter.
Hmm. Maybe dating is not so complicated. Perhaps we need to step outside the box, and stop waiting for someone to respond in whatever fleeting mood we happen to be in. Maybe we should make it more about what I can do to ease this person’s insecurities. Perhaps, we need to lighten up, and just try to have a good time. If everyone spent a little less time waiting for someone to rescue them, and spent a little more time being truly interested in the people who we spend time with, we might surprise ourselves, and find the person we have been looking for.
***This is probably a mess-
***It may have some interesting points though.
***I am about to do a TM with “The Blogger”- So, if you are reading this- It may or may not be a joke. I am noncommittal on this fact. Whatever prevents you from having a defensive reaction. 😉