Author: ladyquirky

Learning to live life as an adventure.

You are not 45

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

Okay, look fellas, sigh It’s cute that you think younger girls are hot. It’s even a little flattering that you think I am cute. 

But give me a damn break! 

You are so obviously not 45. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, except it shows you are a liar. Unless it’s that you think I am stupid. 

It makes me feel a little ageist, but come on. Seriously???? Time has been marching across your face since before my mother was born. No. I don’t want to meet you for “fun.” I don’t even know you! 

When did “fun” become a euphemism for meeting a strange man in a strange city in the middle of the night? Oh, everything is closed! Why yes, I think it’s a swimmingly good idea to come to your hotel room. Of course you have no ulterior motives. You sound like a super nice guy. How would you feel if your daughters were up for this kind of activity?  Sure, I considered meeting you for a drink. I like meeting new people. 

I was obviously born last night. 

No. It doesn’t sound like fun. It sounds gross and degrading. 

Does this actually work? What kind of woman is looking for this? 

I’m not judging other women here. Maybe a little. I can’t help it. Come on girls, get it together. We deserve better than this.

I deserve better than this. 

No, I’m not meeting you at your hotel room. Stop lying about your age, you are obviously not 45. 

And… unmatch. 

I Just Don’t Know

~ ladyquirky ~ 1 Comment

I’m just a girl. 

I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life, I have a hard enough time deciding what I want for dinner. 

I don’t want to be forced into making decisions that I cannot undo. 

I like my freedom. 

I don’t want to be trapped. 

I am always going to be more obstinate than you could be prepared for. 

I’ll drive you crazy with my hot and cold moods. 

You won’t own me. 

You’ll make me laugh by singing that damn song. I know I pretend to hate it… but I really kinda like it.

You called me beautiful, brilliant, and outrageously funny before you told me to go to work. Granted I was really late. 

So, I am going to attempt to maintain my cool and collected exterior. Shut up, I am cool. You have no idea what I am thinking. Stop smirking at me. I can feel it. You can’t read my poker face. 

I guess it’s no secret. 

I really do like you. Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you. 

History

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

I love Maryland. I am on the Eastern Shore and it feels like I have been transported to a place time is trying to forget. Apparently the chain stores and restaurants are relatively new. They seem out of place when they are so near the places I only knew about from history books. 

Easton was established in 1711 when the courthouse was built in Talbot County. 

I imagine the young people move across the bay to chase excitement and fortune in the big city, leaving their families safe in the past. I would. 

Well, maybe I wouldn’t. I am drawn to both the rural and urban lifestyle. My fantasies flip-flop seamlessly from one to the other. 

For now, I am just going to enjoy soaking up the history while I marvel at my good luck. 

Life is good today. 

Rockstar Superhero

~ ladyquirky ~ 3 Comments

I have been walking around all day with a ridiculous grin on my face. I have felt confident, competent, and strong. 

This morning was my first day at my new Locum assignment. I had no trepidation or fear when I waltzed into the hospital with no idea where to go. I had a strut in my step and felt open to meeting any new person I contacted. 

I spent some time last night talking to a potential suitor I have been texting. He was charming and funny. Pretty much knocked my socks off. I didn’t feel like I needed to watch what I said or put on some mask of the girl I thought he would be interested in. Nobody has time for that shit. People either like me for me… or I am not their cup of tea. It’s not that big of a deal. 

Then I met the doctor I was working with today. She’s a force of nature. After a little while she put her glasses on and turned and peered at me. Her eyes opened a little wider and she said, “Oh! You’re a pretty girl!” I was pretty much struck speechless. Not sure why she was surprised… but okay. 

The day went fantastic. I loved the view out the window and the job was challenging and fun. I felt like I knew what I was doing! On the first day! Holy crap! 

At the end of the day we were wrapping up and she called me confident and told me how great that is. Once again dumbstruck, I just laughed and sashayed out the door. 

More flirting and fun chatting with The Spy. He’s not really a spy… but I think he could be. Hehe. And he thinks I am cute with nice eyes. So, I have pretty much been blushing all day. 

Met a hairdresser who said my hair is fantastic and she would love to do my blowouts when I am here. 

I spent a good part of the day yesterday reminiscing about my friends and our adventures. They liked the little blurb I wrote about it. Telling them how much I love them gave me such a peaceful and content feeling. 

You wanna make a girl glow and strut around like a woman who knows she has good things to offer? Tell her. Tell her you are excited to meet her. Listen to her. Share things about you. Invest in the relationship. Make her feel like she is worth the effort. I promise she believes in reciprocity. She will make you feel like you are worth the effort too. 

I guess I have fallen into the trap of underestimating a phone call. There is an intimacy that encourages excitement when you are obviously paying attention to each other and not doing 35 things at once while texting. 

You want to make a girl work hard for you? Do you want her to actually meet her potential? Acknowledge the good parts of her personality that she has been ostracized for her entire life. Appreciate her gifts. Help her learn and grow so she can overcome her liabilities and shortcomings. Offer to teach her the procedures she has honestly been too scared to learn until now. 

So today I feel like a rockstar superhero. I have not magically changed overnight, I just got the right amount of awesome compliments at the right moment. When I looked in the mirror tonight while I was removing my makeup I didn’t see a tired mess of a girl. I saw a confident, strong, cute girl with nice eyes. 

It feels good. 

Tell the people in your life what you love about them. It will help them be the person you have always known them to be. 

Secret Agent Man

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

I’m not going to lie, The Professor irritated me. It would be disingenuous for me to insinuate I was still all that interested anyway. Don’t forget I get bored easily. I need fairly consistent interaction or you run the risk of getting replaced.

While The Professor was fun and I enjoyed our first date very much, he made a critical mistake. He decreased contact and failed to keep the excitement going. Granted, he did say he is not good about texting and calling. In hindsight this feels like an excuse. Besides, did he really think making out a little in the car meant I didn’t still need to be actively pursued? 

Unfortunately for him, The Spy had decided to strike. He has been texting and calling regularly. Not excessively, just often enough to keep me a little thrilled. Good morning texts and phone calls in the evening. He is witty, handsome, and disarmingly charming. He is respectful and curious about my day. Our conversations have a natural flow and we are interacting with each other, not at each other. 

The Spy sends me funny selfies sporadically through the day. He sends memes. He references things I’ve mentioned before. It feels like he is paying attention to me. He acts interested in my thoughts and perspective. We discuss things. Our date is planned for tonight and he periodically sends me the hourly countdown. He is obviously smart; he is making me feel like he can’t wait to see me. He is flirty and sprinkles in just enough innuendo to make me blush and grin like a fool. 

Seriously, someone needs to teach men how to be a little risqué without resorting to vulgarity. Don’t ask about my cup size or pubic hair when I have not even indicated an interest in getting naked with you. I am not sending you pics of my boobs, and I don’t want to see your penis on my phone screen. I promise. 


Sigh. I love a man with a beard. 

Maybe it is unfair to compare men to each other. How do you evaluate two very different personalities in a fair manner? Is it possible The Spy only seems so awesome in comparison to The Professor because left me wondering how he felt until it was too late? 

What are the rules to dating? How do you know if you are doing it right? 

How do you know if someone is truly interested or if they are just on a conquest? 

Why does it feel like The Spy already knows me? 

Who told him I love Dwight Yoakum? How did he know I eschew “Nashville country?” 

Who told him to send me a joke about C-diff and to drop the word propofol correctly into conversation? 

How did he know to joke about following me back to Texas? (To insinuate you plan to do that will get you dropped in a hurry.) 

How did he know my deep appreciation for the many ways the word f*ck can be used in a sentence? (Mom, the edit was for you.) 

I guess you can tell I am having a good time. I’ve been in a ridiculously good mood for the past five days. It’s exciting. Even though I have no idea how things will turn out, I am thrilled to be on the ride. 

Dude. 

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

Wow. So sorry that I did not provide an adequate enough alibi for needing to cancel our plans. 

Oh, I needed to justify my need to reschedule. 

Huh. I did not realize I owed you any explanations. 

Oh, it’s a respect thing. That makes sense. Sure. I owe you respect because of what was that now? 

Ugh. Red flags. You overreacting to things at this stage means you don’t get to go to the next stage. 

So long Professor. It was fun. 

Mr. Right… Now

~ ladyquirky ~ 5 Comments

I am not embarrassed or ashamed. 

No apologies or excuses. 

I am not looking for a soul mate. 

I don’t want Prince Charming. 

I’m just a girl… and I wanna to have fun. 

That’s all I really want. 

Some fun. 

I am 36 years old. I have never been married. I have not shacked up or had a ridiculously long engagement that ended in heartbreak. I’m not some jilted lover who is pining for the one that got away. My biological clock is not shrieking because it is almost too late. 

Yes, I cry at weddings. Of course I have imagined hosting a huge, expensive party where 500 of my closest friends watch me exchange nuptials. Most girls have. We are taught that is we what are supposed to want. The wedding industry has been telling us that is the ultimate goal of dating. I’m still not actually under any delusion this is going to happen. I don’t even think it would be that much fun. I would probably resent the expense and get drunk and ruin the whole thing anyway. It’s still fun to think about though. 

I’ve also daydreamed about magically falling into a huge sum of money that would allow me to never worry about finances again. 

If we want to talk about fantasies I am also a broadway actress and Olympic athlete who has a multiplatinum record that has been nominated for a Grammy. 

In my rich fantasy life I have jumped out of airplanes, climbed mountains, and rescued kittens from trees. I have penned bestselling novels and my memoir is the hottest book in all the book clubs. I’ve made the rounds on all the late night talk shows. Jimmy (both of them) loves me and I am his favorite guest. I hide from the paparazzi because I am just a humble artist doing what I was born to do. 

I play on Tinder and I flirt with cute bartenders. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for a booty call or a string of sexual conquests. I don’t have any intention of sleeping with every man who makes an offer. By the way, has anyone ever noticed how quick so many men make that offer??? It feels like they are just casting a net and hoping to drag in the days fresh catch. 

I am looking for interesting, smart, funny people to have some adventures with. That’s all. If we are exceptionally lucky we will end up friends. I want to spend time with someone special. I want to invest energy in getting to know them and equally as important, I want them to get to know me. 

I want to know what makes him smile and laugh. I want to know how his day has been. Does he like puppy and otter videos? Will he see an owl and think of me? Better yet, will he snap a quick photo and send it to me just to make me smile? I can still have all of that even if I don’t want to plan our joint retirement, can’t I? 

What book is he reading right now? What movies can we share with each other? Can we watch the sunset and marvel in the beauty of our planet, both of us reveling in the fact that we got to see it together? Will he know and appreciate the fact that I am a cryer and I actually enjoy it? Will he think it’s cute that I cry at Folger’s commercials? 

At some point in the near future I will be moving on to the next grand adventure. Can we part ways without hurting each other’s feelings? Can we acknowledge the bittersweet feelings goodbyes bring? Can we be excited for the other’s future escapades? Can we actually fall in love a little and still move on when it’s time to go? 

Is it possible to share your present life with someone without planning a future? 

Yeah. I think so. I want this to be true. 

I don’t want to be rescued because I am not a damsel in distress. I don’t want to be caught because I don’t need a cage to keep me safe.

I just want to have fun. Maybe with a little love sprinkled in so I don’t get tired of traveling alone. I may not be looking for Mr. Right, but I am looking forward to hanging out with Mr. Right Now. 

Beautiful People

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

Call it nostalgia. 

I was looking through the photos on my phone and I realized all of my friends are so damn beautiful! 

We can be all sweaty and gross, even covered in mud… and they are so good looking. 

That’s not the best part though. They are smart, kind, generous, and funny. These photos remind me of all the adventures sometimes misadventures, we have shared. 

How did I get so lucky? I’m not going to stop getting selfies with my beautiful friends. I want a reminder I can carry with me. 

I hope they know how much they mean to me. 

Here’s to all the beautiful people in my life. I’m so lucky they are my people. I wouldn’t trade them for anything. 

Kiss and Tell

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Despite all the Tinder rules and safety practices I put into place, sometimes someone sneaks past my reservations. He was most likely charming and funny. I assure you his smile was genuine and went all the way across his face. 

He made me laugh. 

For privacy issues, I will not use any identifying information. I will simply refer to him as The Professor. The only problem is my asshole girlfriend, who by the way has found the love of her life, brought up Gilligan’s Island. I prefer to imagine it a little different. 

So, The Professor and I… dammit. She ruined his nickname. Wonder Woman, I feel like this is revenge. What else can I call him? I’m sticking with The Professor. 

So, The Professor and I were meeting for a drink. Unfortunately, the pub I selected was packed. It was freezing outside. We ended up seeking shelter in my car so we could peruse Yelp! for a bit. 

I have no idea how the time passed so quickly. I giggled and listened to his stories. I even tried to tell a few of my own. Although, I have to admit I got all flustered and messed up the punch lines. 

Finally, we decided we needed to find somewhere to eat and get a drink. We found a “tequila bar.” It was actually just a bad Mexican restaurant. I ordered a Modelo. He ordered a frozen margarita. I know, manly… swoon. 

We talked, and I laughed. He’s quite the performer. I was thrilled when he reached across the table to hold my hand. His thumb absently drawing circles. 

At some point the vibe in the restaurant changed. There was a shot girl. Loud obnoxious music was blaring. The Blackeyed Peas. I’m not even kidding. The lights were still up. It felt a little like a bad bar after last call. Time to go. 

We went back out to the car to talk some more. The cold weather is good for a few things. Cue the song… “He kissed me in a way that I’ve never been kissed before…” 

When the first kiss with someone is good, it is good! It makes up for all the stress from wondering what it’s going to be like.

Kissing The Professor gave me butterflies and made me laugh. I had goosebumps where he put his hand on my shoulder. His stubble was just perfect. When it was time for me to leave he started to leave and stopped, turned, and leaned in to kiss me again. Good move Casanova. 

I was a grinning fool for the seven hour drive to Massachusetts. Every single stop I had a little skip in my step. I guess I don’t need to tell you, I can’t wait to see him again. 

P.S. let’s not tell The Professor I told you all about it. I don’t want him to think I kiss and tell. 

I Met Someone

~ ladyquirky ~ 3 Comments

Television commercials are cunning. I think the mad men are trying to tell me how to live my life. They want me to question my choices. Do you think they want me to feel bad about myself?

There was a commercial for a dating site. It was filled with people whispering “I’ve met someone” to their closest friends and family. Wait a second! Is that my end goal? Is that what I am supposed to be doing? Meeting someone? I knew I was doing this all wrong. 

Do I have to meet just one person? That doesn’t work for me. I would have to spend most of my time missing him. I think I may have found a perfect solution. 

I meet lots of people! I go out and have fun. I let you buy me dinner or a drink. I listen to your stories and decide if I would like to hear some of them again. If you manage to entertain me, I lose track of time and can’t wait to see you again. Those are the best nights. 

Despite all the fun, sometimes men amaze me. I think there should be some rules or protocols to follow when one chooses to sign up for Tinder. 

1. Don’t act all pissy when I don’t answer fast enough. You don’t own me. That behavior just sets off all kinds of warning flags about your potential for being scary or dangerous. Controlling men are automatically out. I have way too much to do to worry about your fragile ego. 

2. Don’t assume I am going to sleep with you. Surely that doesn’t have to be explained. I don’t have to have sex with every man who expresses an interest. Once again, you don’t own me. 

3. Please don’t ask for or send me naked photos. I promise: your penis is not that special. If I wanted to send them to you, I would. 

4. Don’t ask me out if you are leaving your wife and kids at home to fend for themselves. Don’t lie and say you are separated or divorced if you are not. 

5. Don’t ask me out if you can’t afford to date. Sorry. I’m not sorry. 

6. Don’t lie. 

7. Come ready to talk! I like conversation. 

8. Don’t text me in the middle of the night wondering if I am available. No. I am not. 

I’ve met a lot of people. Sometimes it is fun. Sometimes I wish I had stayed in. Maybe one of these guys will make me want to change my ways. I certainly hope not.