I put something out there, and now there may be an opportunity if I am confident enough to try. 

That’s what I get for running my mouth. This is a pattern with me. I say I want something, that I really don’t think could possibly ever happen… And then there may be a chance I can try for. 

Sigh. Time to get braver and get over myself. I do want to try to do this. Wish me luck and bravery. I’m gonna need it. 

  

This year I have lost four friends to cancer. If I am being honest, it sucks. I suppose that is just what happens when you work in a large hospital.  

 All of these people were in caring professions, and I think there is a little less love in the world now. 

It’s funny, you can say all day long that you know life is not fair, but you are still shocked every time something unfair happens. 

There are no words that bring comfort. I am sure I will have to settle down and have a good cry. I know that I will miss Mike forever. He was a truly special guy, and I can think of a bunch of people who would deserve this more than he did. 

He lived his life to be of service- he wanted to give back to others. I am glad his pain is over. It makes me feel a little guilty to be relieved that he is not suffering anymore. 

To acknowledge that I do not know what to do in these situations is rather embarrassing. There should be a protocol or rulebook that explains exactly what to feel and say at each step of the process. Grief is interesting, while there has been research in this area, I do not believe that anyone truly understands the individual response each person will have. For now, I’m going to be sad, and at the exact same time I am going to be grateful that he has been in my life the past 19 years. There will be a time to celebrate the memory. 

My city is trying to drown. For a place so used to drought- all this rain is overwhelming.

I just wish people would use their brains. Don’t try to drive through the water that comes up over your hood. I assure you, your car does not float. 

Otherwise- rain is good. We have a lot of farmers around here who have been needing it.  

 So, just be careful and safe. It’s really not rocket science. 

So, I navigated the parking garage- I’m in garage B right by the entrance- I will probably wonder where my car is later…

Waiting to check in… Airports are boring and the Muzak playing is making my eyebrow twitch. 

I feel like a 6 year old boy. I have investigated the bathroom, played with the hand dryer, and spun around in circles a few times…. Now what? 

I am really getting tired of reading about Grey’s Anatomy on Facebook. This is getting ridiculous. Are people really that boring?

There are plenty of real life things to be upset about. I keep reading comments about petitions and other nonsense. Are you kidding me? Do people really need to waste their time with this? Come on people, get your priorities straight.

Something else, why are there so many medical mistakes in television shows? I am watching Sons of Anarchy again, and they are using PO Vancomycin for a guy who was shot. The doctor’s rationale? It will kill anything. Ummm. Yeah, no. The only thing they are going to treat with that is C. Diff. Give me a break.

 

 

Okay. Want a blast from the past?

When I was around 20, I worked as a customer service representative for a major cellular network. I had an area manager who once described me as a “diamond in the rough.” Now, I misunderstood. I thought she was saying I was the only shiny thing among all the unkept grass.

Now, I have been called the following:

• Real
• Raw
• Authentic
• Honest
• Spontaneous
• Crass
• Rude
• Silly
• Funny
• Vulnerable
• Humble

And many other words.

Not quite sure what to make of all this. Not sure how it makes me feel. Not sure that it matters.

Here is the thing. I do not seek to be polished and refined. I am not looking for perfection.

I am looking for my own personal truth.

I am looking to be my best self.

I am looking for people who appreciate me for who I am, and who like who I am. As far as the rest goes… What you see is what you get. I am not full of surprises. I promise you don’t have to wonder where you stand with me. Just ask me. I’ll let you know.

Okay, it is probably a good thing that I did not have a camera on this adventure. Let me tell you. There were some good looking dudes out there. Now, my group was shockingly adorable, but I felt like we were kinda like a big tribe of nomads (possibly all related or something- pretty much off limits). Besides, I was having way more fun watching the sexy calves and shoulders go running by us.

Now, imagine me kinda dehydrated and deliriously tired. You know I lost my filter- and I was talking to just about every cute stranger I could find. There were a lot of hotties.

I do this thing when I am nervous. I introduce myself to random strangers. I have no idea why. Turns out, if you tell someone your name they tend to tell you theirs. It is funny. I guess I just like to see where the conversation goes. Sometimes, it is a nice distraction. You may luck out and get a good joke. It may just be something weird that everyone watches you do- all the while wondering what on earth is wrong with you.

I do not remember any of their names now, or even what they actually looked like.I just remember thinking and sometimes audibly sexually harassing them. (I know, not very mudder-like, but you should have seen them.) Maybe next time I will take a camera of my own. Then, people will get to see the things that I am focusing on.

But, sometime around the water station with the bananas (which will forever be my favorite- even though I do not actually like bananas) there was the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on. He was tall, absolutely ripped, and he might have had a beard. I do know he had very blue eyes- and the broadest shoulders I have ever seen. I am pretty certain he was not wearing a shirt. He may have been in cargo shorts. I am just not sure anymore. I had a lot of fun watching that cool drink of water getting a drink of water.

I am just kidding. (No, I am totally not- but, I feel the need to redeem myself.)

See, there is something for everyone at a Tough Mudder. Lots of nice scenery, even out in the desert.

Need some good Road Trip tunes. Any suggestions?

Getting ready to leave for my Tough Mudder adventure! It’s gonna be great!