Does this mean I am a grownup? 

This year I have lost four friends to cancer. If I am being honest, it sucks. I suppose that is just what happens when you work in a large hospital.  

 All of these people were in caring professions, and I think there is a little less love in the world now. 

It’s funny, you can say all day long that you know life is not fair, but you are still shocked every time something unfair happens. 

There are no words that bring comfort. I am sure I will have to settle down and have a good cry. I know that I will miss Mike forever. He was a truly special guy, and I can think of a bunch of people who would deserve this more than he did. 

He lived his life to be of service- he wanted to give back to others. I am glad his pain is over. It makes me feel a little guilty to be relieved that he is not suffering anymore. 

To acknowledge that I do not know what to do in these situations is rather embarrassing. There should be a protocol or rulebook that explains exactly what to feel and say at each step of the process. Grief is interesting, while there has been research in this area, I do not believe that anyone truly understands the individual response each person will have. For now, I’m going to be sad, and at the exact same time I am going to be grateful that he has been in my life the past 19 years. There will be a time to celebrate the memory.