Category: Family

The Gift of Family… and thoughts on Parenthood.

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

If you are my FB friend, then you surely know how much I love the show Parenthood. There is something about it that speaks to my soul. The intangible gifts that come from having a real family are difficult to explain or illustrate, and I feel that this show manages to paint a picture of real people (Yes, I know they are not real.) whose devotion to family trumps everything else.

I have a wonderfully complicated family, full of love and laughter. We have overcome hardships, and continue to make it through this world together. This is not going to be a description of my family though. This is not the forum for that. Besides, this would end up being very long, and I lack adequate talent to represent my quirky, fantastic, fabulous, and awesome family. (See? I even have to resort to the word awesome.)

I want to talk about the gifts that one derives from a supportive family.

Unconditional love is one of the most valuable commodities for human growth and personal satisfaction. Seriously. People need the assurances that no matter what, they are going to be loved. This security is what allows us to branch out and take risks. Toddlers experience this with coming to find their caretaker every little bit while they are exploring. They are seeking the foundation. The rock that they can count on. As the child grows, they push limits to test the stability of that relationship. They need to see that despite their worst behavior, they are still going to be loved.

I firmly believe that we often use our family as a safe place to let our internal little monsters out to play. We rebel, argue, talk back, and in general leave a trail of worry with every step we take in adolescence and young adulthood. (I realize that there may be lots of “good kids” out there, but this is my blog, therefore my experience.) Now, if our family has done their job, we have a security blanket. No mistake is too large for our family to turn their backs on us. The best part? Knowing that we can come home after all the chips have been cashed in.

So, eventually we grow up. (Or at least we manage to get some grown up responsibilities.) For me, it was having a baby. I was 18 and pregnant. I am so lucky that my family came together, and supported me through that process. The children who are born to mother’s like me, women who are woefully unprepared for motherhood, end up with something even better; a whole village of family who pitches in and helps raise them. One of the biggest surprises that came with having a baby, is that I no longer knew everything. Quite the contrary. I knew nothing. (Becoming a mother is a humbling endeavor. Scary and wonderful all at the same time.)

Life continues to throw curve balls, and I continue to dodge and weave my way through them. Sometimes, they hit me squarely in the chest, and knock the wind out of me. My accomplishments have only been possible with the support of my family. This is the one truth that I know without a doubt. I am confident that no matter what path I choose in life, as long as I am happy, my family will stand behind me and cheer me on. (Remember, I like to be cheered for.)

Watching the series finale of Parenthood last night, I was struck by how much Zeke’s encouragement meant to his children. They all have a different relationship with their parents, and the writers managed to stay consistent with these roles. Crosby is the wayward son that needed to be told that he could run a business without his big brother, while Adam (the big brother and savior) needed to be told that he was not responsible for his brother. Sarah wanted her dad to give her away to the man who would be the most important man in her life. Julia’s relationship with her dad was not addressed as much, but her devotion to her family is very much her father’s legacy.

What struck me, left me in a sobbing heap of kleenex, was the realization that all of our families want happiness for their kids. Self-actualization. Be who you were born to be.

We all knew Zeke was going to die. It was only the theme of the four last episodes. I was dreading it. I was afraid that it would be devastating. The creators of this show gave us a gift though. The montage at the end managed to show how the family moved on, and found happiness, even without their patriarch. After all, it is all he really wanted.

The song says it all. Mr. Bob Dylan managed to wrap it all up with a neat bow and catchy chorus.

May God bless and keep you always
May your wishes all come true
May you always do for others
And let others do for you
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May you grow up to be righteous
May you grow up to be true
May you always know the truth
And see the lights surrounding you
May you always be courageous
Stand upright and be strong
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

May your hands always be busy
May your feet always be swift
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift
May your heart always be joyful
And may your song always be sung
May you stay forever young
Forever young, forever young
May you stay forever young.

This song articulates my wishes for my son far better than I ever could. I want him to keep a sense of wonder, and to still enjoy a surprise. I want him to know that whatever path he chooses, I will be his foundation, and be waiting for his return home to check in. I can’t wait to read the story he writes for his life. I bet it is going to be quite the adventure.

The Hat

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

My Nana used to crochet. She made me two baby blankets. One was pink and blue, and the other was green and yellow. They had a pretty chevron pattern. I remember once my brother came along, he adopted the green and yellow blanket. These blankets and our pillows were constant companions when we were watching TV. Blankets that are insanely warm and cozy bring so much comfort. Every one should have a Nana who crochets.

She tried to teach me; however, I am cursed with impatience. So, I learned how to do a chain stitch. That is all. Not much you can do with a long chain except unravel it and start again. I desperately wish I could turn back time and pay more attention. It’s a shame I would rather be out in the gazebo spinning in crazy circles laughing and yelling with my brother. I do not remember a time when Nana was not working on some project or another. She would sit in her chair, and alternately peer suspiciously out the window at the comings and goings of the neighbors and their families, and watch her “stories.” Nana was a real sucker for The Young and The Restless and The Bold and The Beautiful. Oh, and I can’t forget to mention The Price is Right.

So, imagine my delight when I see my FB friends sharing their new stitched creations. I love looking at them, and I secretly wish I had some way to learn. (Turns out, there are a ton of YouTube videos, and there is really no excuse for not learning. I just have not taken the plunge yet.) So, one day this very nice lady, Tina shared a pic of her two newest hats. The red one spoke to me. I thought it was beautiful. So, I jokingly commented how good it would look on me. A little while later, she sent me an instant message, and said she would send it to me. Turns out, she was making them just to make people happy! I was so excited. A few days later, my new treasure arrived in the mailbox.

IMG_7028
My Groovy New Hat!

Putting this lovely, handmade creation on my head instantly transported me back. This is why it is so special when someone gives you something they made. When you wear it, you actually feel their love. I was reminded of my Nana, and of the warmth provided by the blankets she poured her heart and soul into. So, not only did I get a groovy new hat, I got to remember my Nana. When someone takes the time to provide the basic comforts that we all crave, they are feeding your soul. So, this is for Tina, thank you so much for the hat and the memories.

Granddaddy’s Little Girl

~ ladyquirky ~ 1 Comment
Sitting in my favorite spot, he always had room for me.

I am indeed a lucky girl. Some girls are Daddy’s Little Girl, I have always been Granddaddy’s Little Girl. Which is way better in my opinion.

Let me tell you a little bit about my Granddaddy:

  • His name is Gerald Pierce.
  • He was born in Paris, Texas.
  • He is my mother’s father.
  • He is easily one of the most handsome people I know.
    I think he looks like a rock star.
  • He listens to talk radio in the car.
  • He likes to nap in his recliner.
  • He knows something about everything.
  • I am his favorite oldest Granddaughter.
  • He does not admit that out loud, but I know it’s true.
  • He played catcher for a Fast-Pitch Softball team.
  • (His face lights up when he talks about it.)
  • He was an avid golfer.
  • I am pretty sure he could have played for the PGA.
  • He instilled my love of watching golf on TV
  • He was in the Army. Stationed in Oklahoma.
  • He knows exactly 2 bedtime stories. Goldilocks and The Three Bears, and Three Little Pigs.
  • He has an excellent Big Bad Wolf voice.
  • My Granddaddy is one of the best cooks I know.
  • He loves to experiment in the kitchen, and he has come up with many tasty treats.
  • The best part is how he will ask you (every single time) whether or not you liked it.
  • Then he wants to know what you liked about it.
  • He reads cookbooks for fun, and shares a ton of recipes on FaceBook.
  • Actually, I think that may be just about all he does on FaceBook.
  • Now, you all know, I can’t cook. I think that irks him.
  • He is always so quick to tell me how easy something is to make.
  • Then, I usually get a demonstration.
  • It brings him so much joy to provide sustenance for his family.
  • He usually sends me home with leftovers, which is a huge bonus with the whole not cooking thing.
  • Here’s a quick tip, don’t go to Granddaddy’s house if you are on a diet- there will be a treat there, and you will be expected to have some. (And, you will be just pretending when you say that you don’t want another bite- it always deserves at least one more bite.)
  • The arm of Granddaddy’s chair is the best seat in the house.
  • I’m a little sad I don’t fit there anymore- that would be quite a sight.
  • He loves to hold his babies.
  • Ty loves him best in the whole world.
  • He was there when all his grandchildren were born.
  • We tease him that he needs hearing aides.
    Ty, Granddaddy, and Topper. Granddad would be perfectly content with these two in his lap for hours.
  • I suspect he is just pretending not to hear us.
  • He loves to show off his new gadgets.
  • He could probably sell anything.
  • He will always come visit you if you are in the hospital.
  • He is never too busy for waiting room duty.
  • He always remembers to call on your birthday.
  • He sleeps through the whole movie at the planetarium.
  • He can drive Go-Karts like a Nascar driver.
  • He does not like to waste time.
  • He is the first (and only) man to give me a diamond.
  • He loves Costco.
  • Ty introduced him to Zynga Poker on iPhone.
  • He is always willing to play a game.
  • He is all about finding a good bargain.
  • Granddad is a self-made man.
  • He believes you should do it right, the first time.
  • He can and will tell you where tumbleweeds came from.
  • He knows all about All the sports.
  • He can get done in 2 hours what most men can’t finish in an entire day.
  • He is genuinely interested in hearing everyone’s story.
  • He has great hair.
  • You should see his face when he gives Granny a present that he is proud of.
  • He loves to take Ty shopping for clothes.
  • He has excellent taste in fashion. But, I think he is happiest in shorts and a golf shirt.
    I hear that hairstyle was all the rage back then. I think he pulls it off well.
  • He built a home that is full of memories.
  • If you want to see him jump, have one of the kids bang on the windows.
  • He loves his kids and grandkids more than anything.
  • He values his family above all else.
  • He is my biggest fan. (because I am actually his favorite.)
  • Well, I was- until Ty came along.
  • I’m just kidding, he loves all his grandkids. (especially me.)
  • If you post on FaceBook that you’re sick- he will call and offer to bring food (or whatever you need.)
  • He does not like it when his kids drive in bad weather.
  • If you go too long without updating FaceBook while on vacation, he will call to check on you.
  • He offers guidance and encouragement in all your endeavors.
  • He always believes that we can all do anything we want to.
  • He is proud of all of his Grandchildren.
  • Rumor has it that he once went and bought furniture without checking with Granny.
  • He is not allowed in Dillard’s furniture section anymore. (But, that is just a rumor.)
  • If you ever get a job as a waitress, he will come eat there and, leave you a generous tip.
  • He took Granny to get an ice cream cone on their wedding day.
  • He was so proud when I graduated from college.
  • He throws the most fun graduation parties.
    Just the boys. I think these outfits were planned. Ty, Granddad, and Kyle
  • He will always make sure that you have what you need.
  • He likes to try a new bottle of wine. (once again, I am pretty sure Costco is his Mecca.)
  • He likes for me to try a new bottle of wine. (I like it too.)
  • He was really excited to get a senior’s discount at restaurants.
  • The only way to eat steak is medium rare. Salt and Pepper is all it needs.
  • He will make fun of you when you ask for the steak to be a little less raw.
  • Then, he will reluctantly fix your steak- with a disappointed and disdainful expression.
  • He values good service.
  • I am not sure I will ever meet a man who could possibly love me as my Granddaddy has- He has set the bar really high.
  • He has helped guide my son into the young man he is.
  • He likes to give gifts.
  • He is too cool. Seriously.
    He is highly successful, and good at anything he tries to do.
  • He is a hard worker, and values others who work hard.
  • He always gets a hug and a kiss when saying “hello” and “good-bye”
  • He is my hero.
    I never realized that Ty looks like him until I saw this picture

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just like this picture of Ty. You can’t really tell that he looks like Granddaddy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You see, today is my Granddaddy’s 73rd Birthday. He is content and satisfied with his life, which actually makes him hard to shop for. As I was thinking about what I would do for his birthday, I knew I had to do something special. So, I wanted to share a little bit of him with you.

I am indeed a very lucky girl. I have the good fortune of having the best Granddaddy in the world. So, I would not trade being Granddaddy’s Little Girl for anything.

Happy Birthday Granddaddy. I love you so much! I am so glad you are my Granddaddy.

I promise this year, I will not forget to call.

Handsome Devil!

 

 

If I Had A Million Dollars

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

Honestly, right now I am feeling like Dr. Evil. Remember that highly active imagination I have? Well, one of my favorite fantasies is… What if I were RICH? Now, the fantasy is not to be well- off or just comfortable. No, I mean is, what amount of money would make money no longer an issue? What if I could do ANYTHING at any time? So, I sometimes ponder- how much money would I need? A million dollars probably would not cut it in my fantasy- but, I like the number. So, just multiply by some other number that would leave me filthy rich.

Hmmm. Fun. What would I do? What kind of person would I be? Would I flit around the world with a private jet? Going from one island to another? Party in Paris? Would I have a job? Would I still have the job I have now? I say now, with all earnestness I might add, of course I would keep my job. A girl’s gotta work. However, if I could do anything… would I really? Probably not. Let’s be honest. If I could do anything, I would seek to make a difference in as many different areas as possible. I would donate money to charities. I would start a foundation. I would help someone!!!! I am pretty sure that most people say that.

Can I focus on the shallow stuff for a minute?

First of all, I would help my family. I would make sure that everyone had a home they loved. I would make sure that those four little boys in my life had their educations paid for. I would make sure that they had a little something for the future. I would ensure that my Mom and Don, and grandparents had whatever they needed for the rest of their lives. I picture buying some land and building homes where all my people were in one spot. (Now, I would not live there. I would just want them readily available. I am kidding. kind of.) Kind of like a little utopia filled with all the people I love. Can you imagine a little village for my tribe? Wouldn’t that be fun? I would give them every comfort and luxury they could imagine. I am sure my family is shuddering at the thought of my personal little prison filled with gadgets. Can you imagine someone trying to dictate where you live, and how you spend your time? (Well, this is my selfish fantasy.) Wow, how quickly it turns from doing something for them, to do something for me. Interesting how that works.

You see, I have an issue with wanting to “fix” things. I do not like it when my people are struggling. In my fantasy, money fixes all. (Now, obviously money cannot buy happiness,) but, it sure can buy a lot of toys. Who doesn’t like toys?

Okay, now remember, money is no issue. This means that I am going to have to have my friends available for adventures all the time. I guess they had better have their own neighborhood in my little village. Oh, you have a career? No worries. I’ll take care of you. I need people to play with. (Now, my friends are all perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, but- I cannot let their jobs interfere with our adventures.) Oh, they have their own plans for their own adventures? Well, too bad, this is my fantasy.

Wow, all this money has made me selfish. WHAT? I am giving people everything!!! This is decidedly unfair.

Hmmm. Maybe instead of “caring” for all the people I love, I should focus more on philanthropy. What causes would speak to my heart most of all? Probably education. I would help people who really wanted to get an education, and I would try to get them whatever support they needed to reach their full potential. (You know, that may not require all that much money- support does not always have to be financial. That’s a thought I should ponder more later.)

You see, there is really no amount of money that would make money not an issue. Even the most benevolent people would struggle with not tying strings (okay, may nooses) to their gifts. When you start giving people money, it is human nature to try to tell people how to spend it, and how they should live- after all, you gave them money. THEY OWE YOU. Does this mean that you own them? Exactly what do they owe you? LOYALTY? Yikes. Maybe all this money is making me an evil dictator. But, they have a pool. I am pretty sure they are happy. Yeah, I would be happy.

Okay, well I guess if we have figured out anything at all, it is that I probably don’t need to end up with an endless supply of money. It would probably not be a good idea for me to enslave all the people I love. damn, that makes me a little sad.

*Now, mostly this is a joke. Not entirely of course. It would be totally cool to have a little village where everyone I love always had all of their material needs met. But, that is really not realistic.

**If anyone finds themselves with a large sum of cash they need to dispose of- there is a nice little charity called the “Nyki really wants a Porsche Fund” and, it is always taking donations. (The fund manager is still waiting anxiously for the first deposit.)

***Seriously, I would totally donate lots of money. I’m a giver.

When did I become A Volvo Driving Soccer Mom? (I am actually not- but, I like the song)

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

So, last night I am minding my own business- snooping and spying on FB. Then I see it- a petition has been started by a local high school student. Oh, if the radio station is sharing this- it MUST be something amazing right?????

Ummm. No. It was a poorly written lame argument in response to the new tardy policy at the school. Now, you only get two a semester before you get “written up.” Whatever that means. This person discussed the fact that the students do not have time to use the facilities- because it takes the average person 4 minutes to do that. Not sure where she obtained that nice little statistic- however, I am fairly certain she is wrong.

So, in honor of my Master’s of Science degree- (see, I am a scientist), I went to conduct a study. I found the first group of people I saw and tried to explain what I was trying to find out. We ended up having a multigenerational argument over whether or not 5 minutes is plenty of time to take care of your elimination needs. ( I really think that the people who disagreed with me are too young to get a vote- so, I won.)

I remember vividly (okay, perhaps I only have a vague recollection- but, whatever) having this exact same discussion when I was in 7th grade. So, obviously this proves that we were advanced. We tried to start a petition, without the aid of the internet- and it lasted about 6.5 minutes. I remember feeling so indignant. I would never be one of those adults lacking in compassion. I mean, these people do not understand! The adults have no idea what it is like to have to switch classes- not to mention stop and talk to our friends, go to our locker- try to find a piece of contraband bubble gum… AND go to the bathroom- all in five minutes!!!! Oh, the horror!

Then, I started looking at our comments. Several of the adult commenters were actually friends of mine- pretty cool people in my opinion, and we were all spouting essentially verbatim,- the SAME arguments that were provided for our teenage quest for justice.

Oops. We had become those judgmental freaks that we all swore we would never be like. I see teenagers out in public, and I shudder. Why? Why would they act that way? Why can’t they just GROW UP? I seem to have forgotten- they are just kids. They are learning to deal with the world in their own way. They have not yet experienced every thing I have.

As much as I hate to say it, my mother was actually pretty smart. She employed a rather clever tool- “If all of your friend’s parents allow them to do ___ (insert whatever insane thing I wanted to do), and they call me, then you can go.” So, my friends and I would spend hours planning our trip (Okay, it was probably minutes- and most likely said in passing) to Woodstock ’94. It was life or death. A life changing event. If I was not allowed to go, I was certain I would die, or at the very least spend the rest of my life decidedly uncool. Needless to say- none of us went. I probably did end up decidedly uncool. My mother simply found a way to avoid the whole “THAT’s NOT FAIR!!!!” conversation. Pretty smart chic. It still irritates me.

I did not realize that I had left the realm of young adulthood, and entered this gray area of just plain old adult. I am in my mid-thirties, and really thought I was still pretty much the same as a kid. I did not understand that I was hurtling through life so fast. Furthermore, I did not realize that I had stopped thinking that irresponsible behavior is okay. It happens gradually. So gradually that you cannot even see how intolerant you are becoming. I suppose it is maturing. Perhaps a better word is evolving.

This act of becoming a “grown- up” is so cruel. You do not even see the changes that are subtly changing the way you view the world. It’s funny that it just takes one little girl’s petition to remind you- remind you that you did become that person who caused you so much grief as a child. Experience changes everything about us- and part of the process is giving these kids the room to have their own experience. They tried to tell us- we did not listen. And, now… we are trying to tell our kids. Guess what? They are not listening. Because “Parents just don’t understand.”

*I do not drive a Volvo and my son does not play soccer. However, I do LOVE Everclear.

Clocks

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

This morning I woke up an hour before my alarm clock went off. Wait, I am lying… I do not have an alarm clock. I use my iPhone. Anyway, I woke up early. I woke up early before my get up early and go to the gym alarm. This got me to thinking. Clocks.

There are many clocks in our lives. Our cells are slowly dying and being born all to an internal clock. Our children grow up and change to their internal clock. We are born and we die to some unknown clock. It reminds me of the movie- All Dogs go to Heaven. We all have a clock that will eventually run out of time.

We spend every day racing against the clock that we have set for ourselves. I have a goal- to do a Tough Mudder- in 3 months and something like 16 days. I am in no way ready. I am still not strong enough to pull myself up and over a wall. I still weigh somewhere near 300 pounds. I am scared. I am scared that I cannot do it. I am scared that I will embarrass myself. These fears are part of what is driving me to wake up early enough to go to the gym at 4 in the morning.

We all assume that we will live to reach old age. We have plenty of time to accomplish everything in life that we believe we should. There is plenty of time to focus on our career before we settle down and have children. We can wait until we have enough money, until we have earned accolades professionally. The bad part is- that damn clock. It is ticking down an ever quickening countdown until our eggs are old and cracked. We never know exactly what age is too late.

I always thought that someday my life would begin. I kept waiting for the alarm to go off- and I would finally be a grown up. I am in danger of missing my entire life waiting for that moment. That is part of the reason I have to do this TM. I need to start living life- and stop waiting until I am good enough. I am good enough now.

A woman I work with lost her son this weekend. He was shot by his older brother, on accident. This led me to imagine how I would survive in that situation. What regrets would I have? Would I wish I had done more with Ty? Would I wish I had told him I loved him one more time? Of course. There is no way to live with absolutely no regrets. We can only do the best we can. This requires constant vigilance. We have to strive to be the best person we can be every single day. I have so many things I want to learn. So many things that I want to get better at.

Boxing is still so tough. This very nice girl in my boxing class made an astute observation last night- as I wheezed and panted my way through the workout. She said, “you give up on yourself to easily- you quit.” Wow. I do. I convince myself that I cannot push through. The mental aspect of boxing and working out is such a struggle for me. I have spent my entire life underestimating my ability and my strength. I have 15 weeks until my TM. I am not going to be thin by then. I am not going to have some amazing super girl transformation before I go meet all these people who have been supporting my journey to wellness. I am still going to be a work in progress. You know what? That is okay. All the best people are a work in progress for their entire lives. I need to enjoy the work. Our life is a journey. A quest of sorts. I need to relish in the adventure of it all. And stop waiting for the damn alarm to go off.

The Accidental Boxer

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

So, I was conned into starting a blog by my best friend (aka: my person), Angela. She is also part of the reason I am mucking my way through this new lifestyle. Maybe I should tell you a little about me first.

I am a 34-year-old single mother. No- I have never been married. My son is 15 and he is my favorite person in the entire world. I am a Nurse Practitioner, and I am ecstatic to be working with the group that employs me. I have been overweight for years. I was never an athlete- sure wanted to be though. A few months ago I joined this group on Facebook- it is a group of people who are just trying to be healthy- and they post about their health journey. I was not that impressed at first- but, I kept watching these posts go by on my newsfeed. Then, one day on my way to lunch, I decided to stop at Planet Fitness. No, I did not want a tour. Just sign me up- hurry! This place was creeping me out! The next morning I got up early and went. That was the beginning. After about 3 weeks a friend of mine asked me to go to her boxing class. I told her I was not sure I was ready- just because I had only lost 14 pounds and everything was still so hard!!!

Kimberli took this pic after class. I can't believe I was trying to box in that shirt!
Kimberli took this pic after class. I can’t believe I was trying to box in that shirt!

Here’s the news- I WENT! I was convinced I was going to die- and I was BAD! I could not figure out how to stand- let alone throw a punch. I was wearing multiple layers of clothes… and I just knew I did not belong there. But- three things happened. 1. Kimberli took some pics of me after class, 2. She told me to keep the boxing gloves she had loaned me because I would need them when I came back, and 3. I posted those pics on the group page and everyone was so excited and supportive. So, I went on Monday and signed up. Have not looked back since.  Heck- the second class I even took off my long- sleeved shirt and wore a tank.

These days I go to class 3-4 times a week. I am getting stronger, and more importantly, my self- confidence is growing. I wear dresses now. I have a few muscles that you can see if you squint your eyes really hard. The most important change has been in my mentality. My goal is no longer to weigh a certain number or to be a certain size. My goals center around making my body strong and healthy so that I can do more with it. I was tired of sitting on the sidelines of life because I was too fat to participate. I want to go on adventures.

So, I have made a decision. I am going to keep boxing- duh! I am also going to start training for a Tough Mudder. Holy Crap!