It’s a Choice

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Okay. I admit it. I lied. Or I was wrong. Horribly, terribly mistaken. For all my blustering and posturing about what I don’t want from a man and how much I think it’s weird for people to want to be in a relationship… maybe I do want to see what this is going to be like. 

No. Of course it’s nothing serious. We are getting to know each other. Testing out the waters. Seeing what happens. 

Unfortunately, I am quickly realizing I can’t be flitting around dating all these people while I trying to get to know this one. OMG! What the hell is wrong with me? Why was I on a date with a perfectly cute, charming, funny guy who was sending all the right vibes and thinking about My Spy? It’s completely inexplicable. 

I am 36 years old and I feel like I am in completely uncharted territory. I don’t have a map for this. I have no idea what I am supposed to do. So, to hell with the rule book, I’m going to just be me. 

I don’t even feel the need to be all cool and nonchalant. I want to be my goofy, moody, ridiculous self. He just laughs anyway. What is this madness??? 

I know! I’ve been ranting and raving about the perks of dating lots of different people, refusing to even consider the alternative. I would like to say I am just tired of all the stupid drama from all these loser men. I still like dating… it’s exciting. All the flirting and having people try to impress me is fun. I just can’t seriously explore anything meaningful while I am engaging with too many other people. It gives me an out and allows me to keep my walls up. It enables me to assume no one could ever make me happy. Worse, it gives me an excuse to make very little effort to make him happy. 

So, I am making a choice to see what happens. I’m going to abstain from seeing other people for a bit. I suppose you could say I am willing to risk being a little vulnerable and taking a chance.

It doesn’t mean I am forgetting who I am. I am not giving up anything about me. I am choosing to take a chance. Here we go… 

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