I’m Not Lonely, I am Single

“Being single is getting over the illusion that there is somebody out there to complete you and taking charge of your own life.” -Omkar Phatakc

Okay, so what? I am nearly 35 years old, and I am hopelessly single. That’s fine. I am really okay with it. Now, I would be lying if I tried to pretend that having a boyfriend would not be nice. It would be fine to have someone’s name to doodle while I am on the phone. (I suppose my doodles of “Bradley Cooper” complete with little hearts and exclamation points do not count.) It is time to take stock and see if I am capable of actually taking responsibility for living a full and productive life on my own. After all, it’s not like I NEED a man.

So, Let’s evaluate. Why am I not okay with being single? It boils down to the realization that I do not need a man in my life to live the life I imagined. Obviously, I never imagined that I would be approaching middle age ALONE. That word seems so negative. We were raised to believe that we would grow up, get married, and live happily ever after. One woman in London even married HERSELF! (Now, I personally find that absurd and intriguing all at the same time, the problem is, how would you even take that seriously as opposed to a desperate attempt to get attention? Notice, I am paying attention; perhaps she did have a good idea.)

Every TV show with a strong single female lead, culminates in her happily ever after. This has propagated the myth that there is somebody out there for everybody. Now, come on. Seriously? Is this actually true? Can you prove it? I would like to believe I have some character traits that someone out there would find attractive. I mean, I am moderately funny, I can hold up my end of a conversation, and I have quite a few varied interests. I can find attractive qualities in all sorts of men (however, well groomed facial hair is definitely a plus,) and I am pretty cute. I am an educated professional, and I am constantly seeking new opportunities to learn. So, fellas what’s the problem? How are you not knocking down my door ready to sweep me off my feet? (Ummm. If we are being honest, I hope you don’t have a bad back.)

Is that even the point? No. I am not actively searching for a significant other. I am working on learning how to make myself happy. I was introduced to this idea by my best friend, Angela. Her journey demonstrated the benefits of caring for yourself, and I saw her come back to life. Now, one of the most important parts of this journey is figuring out what makes you happy, and then acting on it! So often we wait to stumble into happiness. It is time to act on our desires. If you see yourself as a writer, then write. (Even, if it is bad at the beginning. There are books for that. You can learn if you really want to.) If you secretly want to run marathons and earn medals, then train. There is nothing stopping you except for your own fear. To learn to live fearlessly will give me the strength to look for new opportunities. Transition does not always have to be negative. You have to learn how to traverse the crevasses and climb the mountains in your heart. Knowing it is all within my grasp, even if it takes a leap of faith, gives me hope. No relationship will ever complete me as a person. In my opinion, (coming from the single, never married girl) a healthy relationship is two complete and whole people who come together to make a couple. I do not see myself finding happiness by “becoming one” with another person.

So, I am going to continue to focus on myself. I am going to keep moving forward, and learn to respect who I am. This is not an act of narcissism or defiance. And, if I am being honest, I will always enjoy my secret fantasies of a Hollywood fairy tale ending, however, if that does not happen, I will be able to proudly say that I lived a good life. I was happy. I did all the things I wanted to do. I accomplished something. I loved. I traveled. I laughed. Seriously, as women we have to stop waiting for Prince Charming, and put forth a little effort to save ourselves.

***However, remember I am always honest. If Prince Charming wants to come along for the ride, I am game. Just text me.

****No. Don’t text, call. I forgot, I am holding men to higher standards these days. If ya want to get to know me, pick up the phone. Make an effort. Remember the paragraph above where I stated some of my qualities? I am worth it.

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