Category: Travels

Tilting at Windmills

~ ladyquirky ~ 2 Comments

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There comes a time when I have to lose the quixotic attitude I have concerning my employment. My capricious ways are exhausting. I know without a doubt this new opportunity is something I need to pursue.

I have spent my entire career in the same health system, and in order to continue to grow, it is time for me to branch out. Yeah, I am scared of going to a new place. New doctors, new patients, new EMR. Then, I remember how lovely the block schedule is going to be. 7- 10 days off at a time. Wow! I am going to have more time to devote to writing, and I just bought a new camera. I want to learn photography.

After spending all these years focused so intently on my career, I have decided I need more. I need to be a whole person. I owe it to myself.

Change is scary. I am leaving my support system at work. I always know who to seek out for advice. They have made a nice work family for me, and I am going to miss them terribly.

Nothing great ever happens if you do not take a chance.

I am going to spend the next two weekends seeing friends and Mudder Buddies. There are a lot of June babies in our group, and I can’t wait to celebrate with them. I never dreamed it would take me 35 years to get some courage. Concerts and Barbecues. It is gonna be fantastic. I think we are meeting up to go hiking with some Tough Mudder Dallas peeps.

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My first picture with my new camera. I have no idea what I am doing, and I need to get some editing software and learn to use it. However, I think it is rather symbolic. There are alway blue skies behind the clouds.

Life is an adventure. May as well explore the possibilities.

Life is a highway.

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment
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The Lone Star State. Map from geology.com

I have spent my entire life as a resident of Texas. I am now considering a new adventure which could lead to more exploring of this great state.

There are so many reasons why I should stay put, and enjoy the life I have built here in West Texas. I have good friends, my family is here, and I am scared.

I do not pretend to be this wall of self-confidence, and most people who know me understand I am generally wracked with self- doubt and negative self-talk. (How many times can I hyphenate self-words in one sentence?)

I was talking to one of Tough Mudder Buddies recently, and he was talking about his job search. He was explaining how he felt he needed to be ready for certain positions, and I came up with some profound statement about how when we wait until we are ready, we never do anything. It’s true.

I have never been “ready” for anything to happen in my life. I have always been a little scared of the unknown, and more than a little nervous at the prospect of change. I am working to overcome this.

There is this little ridiculous part of me which makes me feel somewhat disloyal when I seek to make changes in my life. As if I am not appreciative of what I already have. This is silly. Why would I think this way about myself? I certainly don’t begrudge others when they seek to improve themselves.

It’s time to see what the world has to offer. It is time to see what I am capable of.

I owe it to myself, and to all the people who have taught me.

I was given an amazing opportunity, and I learned so much. I was afraid of that challenge too. I am heading into this with an open mind, and an open heart. I need to allow myself to honestly evaluate if this is a good opportunity for me and my career.

There are a lot of important factors to be considered. I am going to seek the counsel of my mentors and family. I know I can look at these situations objectively, and I know I have the ability to make wise and appropriate choices.

I just need to remove fear and self-loathing from the equation.

Things I learned from my weekend away

~ ladyquirky ~ 4 Comments

IMG_9141Vacations do not have to be long, adventure-filled, money- sucking events. I left my house Wednesday night, and just got home a few minutes ago. I got to meet TWO of my friends, and I realized you can make meaningful connections with people who are many miles away. All it takes is a mutual commitment to be honest about who you are.

I also learned that I have extremely tall friends. I rarely feel short, tonight I feel short.

Writing about myself is going to be a mind opening experience. I have finally realized the moment that my life changed. I was sincerely shocked when I was writing about it. I had no idea. I am interested in seeing what else I learn about myself.

I am getting better at knowing how to behave in social situations, turns out all you have to do is be more social.

Most important, I learned that it is good to take time for yourself, and to go out of your comfort zone. I saw some interesting sights, and I had a fantastic time- all while not doing anything particularly exciting.

I am looking forward to the next time I get to hang out with these new friends, and until then I am grateful for text messaging, cell phones, and the internet. It is truly making the world a little smaller.

Oh, and one last thing- Podcasts are a great way to pass the time on a road trip. I listened to all of Serial, and several Nerdist Podcasts. I had a great time.

Foreign Lands

~ ladyquirky ~ 2 Comments

free-printable-map-of-usa-colorSomehow sitting in a coffee shop in a foreign land is making me feel all creative and stuff. Perhaps foreign is not the correct word… I am still in the U.S. after all. I am just used to the southern part, and now I am up near Canada.

I am certainly not well traveled. I do not enjoy flying, and tend to get overwhelmed in new places. I can never figure out where I am supposed to be, and how to get around. It really all comes down to my lack of confidence- again! This is the recurring theme of my life.

I find myself feeling like I am not enough so often. I am not funny enough to be the funny one. I am not thin enough to be the pretty one. I am not smart enough to be the smart one. Everything boils down to the question of enough. What does that even mean? I have always struggled with this. Maybe it is my insistence in categorizing everything in my life. Especially people. Everyone has to have a label and a role. It gets so confusing, especially when most people are so much more than their label.

I am part of the problem. Our society insists on giving people titles, and then placing expectations on them to conform to their role. It is all so limiting. How do you project an air of professionalism, while still maintaining your quirky sense of style? How far can you push the boundaries? Why do you have to stick to the normal shades of hair color? Can I sneak a bright blue or red stripe in there somewhere?

The problem for me is that it is imperative that my patients trust me. Otherwise, they will not be satisfied with my diagnosis and prescription for care. As much as I like tattoos and piercings, I do not necessarily want a doctor with a huge neck tat. I am not sure I would trust him. This helps me justify ignoring my desire for brightly hued tresses. I have to be professional.

I am part of the problem. I find myself wanting to hide my imperfections, and joining the masses in celebrating the airbrushed ideal of beauty. I can tell you that you are beautiful all day long, and yet I cannot feel it for myself.

The problem for me is that I own a magnifying mirror- with lights. Not only can I blow up my imperfections, I can shine a spot light on them. No one is staring at my face through a magnifying glass (and if they tried, I would like to think I would punch them squarely in the throat.) Why do I insist on judging myself through such a harsh lens? Maybe I should use a filter, like the one I judge the other people I love through.

So, as I sit here in a foreign land, after I was relegated to my morning routine without a magnifying mirror, I realize that I was not feeling ugly when I walked out of the hotel this morning. I felt excited. I was looking forward to my adventures. I wonder if I can start having this experience even when I am at home. Maybe I need to chuck the magnifying mirror out the window. Give myself a chance to see me- like others see me.