Author: ladyquirky

Learning to live life as an adventure.

It’s always a good time

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This week has reminded me of a very important thing.

It is always a good time to tell the people you love how you feel. It is always a good time to sing the praises of your heroes.

We are not guaranteed a future. We really have no idea when our clock is going to run out of time.

I am so grateful for the people in my life. They have supported me unconditionally. I love my family and friends. I love the opportunities I have been given.

I have had teachers and mentors who have devoted so much time to helping me find my way.

I am not perfect. Sometimes I am a perfectly selfish person. I need to make sure I remember the people who have stood by my side. I don’t want anyone to wonder how I feel. I will make sure I tell the people I love how they have made my life better.

This is a better idea than focusing on the people who have disappointed me.

I am going to stop having such high expectations for people. I am going to celebrate who they are. Not just who I want them to be.

Friends and Loss

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The past year has taught me a lot about who I am and more importantly, who I want to be. I have made some amazing new friends, and even lost some along the way. I am not resentful, rather I am I resigned to live a life which feels full and complete for me.

Your life and struggles have not been more nobel than mine. You can’t be bothered to answer your phone during family time? Well, neither can I. You are above focusing on your career or the pursuit of financial stability? Well, I am happy for you. You scoff at the manner I choose to employ when building new relationships? Well, at least I am not sitting at home anymore.

I am learning about the way people hold us hostage and insist we never change. They are all too frequently dependent on the status quo. Forget growing up together and experiencing life as a team, they are all about retaining their role as the girl who happens to have it all together. God forbid, I should finally start to find my voice. At least a voice that does not require shrieking from the rooftops that I have finally figured life out! Ugh. Seriously? Give me a break. 

I am not going to pretend to have it all figured out. I am not going to stand here and preach the way to finding success. Hell, if we are being honest, I have to be reminded from time to time that I am not still waiting to get my shit together. I am actually doing pretty damn good. When we forget to allow our friends to grow up and find themselves, we are actually part of the problem.

I swear, I am not bitter. I am just trying to stop blaming myself for something that was probably not even my fault. I am not sorry I did not take your advice. I am not sorry that I did not figure it all out until it was time. This is my damn journey. I have walked these roads independently and met some folks who had some tools to loan me along the way. It certainly is not a crime to broaden my circle of friends.

I refuse to be the bad guy here. Not that it matters at all. I don’t even think you will read this. Even if you do, it will be seen as act of aggression, instead of a desperate attempt at self-preservation. Sometimes we have to be defensive in order to live with ourselves. Sometimes we have to take a stand. I won’t apologize or beg. I don’t have to. I am content with being me, regardless of how others feel about it.

I am living life on my own terms these days. I am finding the woman I never knew I could be. I don’t have to hide my strength. I don’t have to pretend I don’t know what is best for me. I can take my own path. It honestly has nothing to do with anyone but me. I am done expecting people to understand who I want to be. I just want to be me.

Adventures in Hiking

~ ladyquirky ~ 3 Comments

  Today I went on my first solo hike. In The Wilderness! Okay, let’s be real. It was actually a park behind the sporting goods store. No worries. The people that sold me my boots assured me the bears were all hibernating now. WTF? Bears? Hmmm. Can I pet one? Note to self: look for bear clues.
I would like to point out the sign says it is the wilderness, therefore it must be true. I am wearing many layers of clothing. Just in case I get lost. I don’t want to freeze to death out here in the wild.  Actually, I may be wearing too many layers. I’m feeling a little warm. How on earth am I sweating in this arctic tundra?

  Lots of pretty trees. Snow. Rocks. Really feeling like I am on a dangerous expedition. Still on the lookout for possible bear sightings.
  The trees out here must cut themselves. No sign of anyone else around to cut these nifty little logs. There may be beavers or something.

  It’s not really bright enough to need my shades. The sun barely penetrates the trees. I am both cold and overheated all at the same time. What is the magic number of layers for staying safe from the elements?
  OMG! A clue! If the Blue’s Clues theme is not running through your head now, I’m not certain we should be friends. I am pretty sure this is a bear track. I bet if I follow it, I will find a friendly bear who just wants to be friends.

  In case I forgot, this is indeed the wilderness. The bear appears to be staying on the trail. I must continue to follow these clues. Just imagine, around the next bend there could be a fuzzy creature just waiting for me to pet him! 
 Nope. He is not up there. Can bears actually climb trees? More importantly, do they?

   From civilization. Nope. My cell phone still works.

  This seems like a perfect place for a bear to hide. Let me go poke around in here.
 Just kidding. I am almost back to the car. I can’t wait to come explore again. It is so pretty and peaceful out here.

Settling In

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 I was all set to write some pitiful diatribe about how cold I am and complain about the time of sunset here. Instead, I opened Facebook and was greeted with the sad news of Alan Rickman’s death. Jareth, The Goblin King and The Sheriff of Nottingham in the same week?

I am not going to pretend I knew these men in real life. I am not going to be one of those people who acts like I suffered a loss anywhere near as horrible as their family and friends. I just want to share how my life was influenced by these artists. If we are being honest, all the kids of my generation benefitted from their presence.

I was raised to be unapologetically myself. I wore what I wanted and I never had to wonder whether or not my family found me charming and funny. Let’s be honest, they were frequently wondering where they went wrong, why I was so weird, and whether or not I would ever outgrow my radical ideas. No worries. I grew up eventually. The point is, they loved me and supported me no matter what strange idea I had.

What does this have to do with all of these characters? Well, they set the stage for people to be embraced for their individuality. I like to pretend people like my quirky personality. I like to pretend it all makes sense on some really deep level. Whatever, I just like what I like. 

 

 

Tripping over my shoes

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  There is a reason your mother always told you not to leave your shoes in the middle of the floor. 
When you are traipsing through your new apartment in the dark, you are more likely to trip over them. You may be wondering why I am meandering around in the dark. It’s because I have to wake up in the middle of the night to get ready for work! I’m not complaining.

I did learn to pick my shoes up instead. Chalk it up to lessons learned. 

Obsessed with the weather

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  I have been working for four days up here in the northern tundra. (Okay- I know there is no snow, but where the hell is the sun?) 
I think it may snow next week. 😏 I am not sure how to feel about this. I am obsessed with The Weather Channel. 

Newbie

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  I am learning so much, mostly because I know so little. Some people are hesitant to admit their ignorance about certain topics, I am not. It’s embarrassing, sometimes. 
I have never lived somewhere with a radiator. In Texas, central heat and air reigns supreme. The radiator makes strange noises in the night, if I did not know better, I would be nervous. 

Working on a surgical service is completely different than working on a medicine service. I always knew this was true, but I never really knew the surgery side of things. 

Not all residents are douchebags. You would think I would have already learned this, however most of my experience with residents has been minimal exposure. The residents I am working with are nice and quite willing to make me feel welcome. I don’t feel like they are waiting for opportunities to make me feel inadequate. This is truly a welcoming learning environment. 

Physicians are not all natural teachers, however once you express interest in their passions they will stop and spend some time explaining their expertise to you. 

I am having fun. I am exhausted by all the new ideas. 

I am still a newbie and I have a lot to learn. So excited! 

Pager Nightmares

~ ladyquirky ~ 3 Comments

  I have never wanted a pager. I always moved heaven and earth (well actually I just gave out my cell phone number like it was a party favor), to avoid a pager. 
Ponytail? Check. 

Labcoat? Check. 

Stethoscope? Check. 

Pen light? Where did I put it? Oh. Check. 

Nerves? CHECK! 

Okay. Ready for work. 

I feel like I am forgetting something quite important. 

First Day Jitters

~ ladyquirky ~ 4 Comments

 First of all, I LOVE my apartment. It is the first floor of an old house. I am learning about steam radiators and getting used to all the cool noises old homes make in the night. Seriously, it is beyond charming. The owner was amazing. He gave me advice on local points of interest and made me feel very welcome. I could not have asked for a better reception. 
I went to bed incredibly early last night. I was exhausted from all the traveling and more than a little mind blown by all the sights. This area is beautiful! 

Getting ready for my first day of orientation. Yep, I’m nervous. What if they don’t like me? What if I’m not quite as clever as I think I am? (We all know I crack myself up on a regular basis.) Excited and nervous. I think a third cup of coffee is a good idea. 

People keep telling me they are proud of me for seeking these new adventures. I find that hilarious. I was feeling like I was behind. Somehow I should have started all this years ago. Nope. I’m right on schedule. 

Wish me luck. Cross your fingers my hair does what it is supposed to do. Let me be calm and professional. I need to keep the first day jitters down to a dull roar. Adventures are fun. It is so much more than I expected. 

I know I’m in the way. 

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Yes- I am that awkward girl with all her crap scattered under the water fountain in the airport. 

Yes- I realize I look like a heathen. 

I am thinking of writing a new song… “The Things We Do For Plugs.”  

 
No. I am not all that comfortable. I just know I have a four hour flight- and I will need my phone. 

Who knew? Even adventures have a lot of hurry up and wait.