Fickle

But if you love him you’ll forgive him even though he’s hard to understand and if you love him oh be proud of him ’cause after all he’s just a man.

-Stand By Your Man, Tammy Wynette

It’s not simply a matter of caprice, this is not an unreasonable reaction to the situation. I don’t have irrational expectations. I’ve gotten over the hurt feelings. The idea I can fix this if I am just easy-going and flexible can be disregarded. Completely. 

I’m not Tammy Wynette. 

I am not the kind of girl who will sit around indefinitely wondering just what exactly is going on. I am not the girl who will continue to make excuses for someone else’s inconsiderate and inconsistent behavior. My patience only goes so far. 

Yes, I suppose I could try to communicate my feelings. Again. Why should I? Nothing changed when I did it the first time. I’ve been doing some reading and I do need to change some of the things I do. My attempts to avoid demanding and difficult behavior have stymied my ability to effectively communicate my needs. 

And that is the problem. If the thought of telling him how I feel and what I need leaves me anxious and dreading the topic, I don’t trust him to listen and respect me. I attempt to avoid vulnerability and it’s causing problems. 

I’m not Tammy Wynette. 

I’m cute, smart, and funny. I am not going to sit around waiting for you to throw me a bone. I deserve better. 

After all, he’s just a man.