Fickle

Standard

But if you love him you’ll forgive him even though he’s hard to understand and if you love him oh be proud of him ’cause after all he’s just a man.

-Stand By Your Man, Tammy Wynette

It’s not simply a matter of caprice, this is not an unreasonable reaction to the situation. I don’t have irrational expectations. I’ve gotten over the hurt feelings. The idea I can fix this if I am just easy-going and flexible can be disregarded. Completely. 

I’m not Tammy Wynette. 

I am not the kind of girl who will sit around indefinitely wondering just what exactly is going on. I am not the girl who will continue to make excuses for someone else’s inconsiderate and inconsistent behavior. My patience only goes so far. 

Yes, I suppose I could try to communicate my feelings. Again. Why should I? Nothing changed when I did it the first time. I’ve been doing some reading and I do need to change some of the things I do. My attempts to avoid demanding and difficult behavior have stymied my ability to effectively communicate my needs. 

And that is the problem. If the thought of telling him how I feel and what I need leaves me anxious and dreading the topic, I don’t trust him to listen and respect me. I attempt to avoid vulnerability and it’s causing problems. 

I’m not Tammy Wynette. 

I’m cute, smart, and funny. I am not going to sit around waiting for you to throw me a bone. I deserve better. 

After all, he’s just a man. 

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