Teach Me How to Be Funny

I just want to be funny! 

I swear. That’s really all I want. Clever, witty, smart, humorous without seeming ridiculous. 

So, I find myself reading the people that make me laugh. Augusten Burroughs, Jenny Lawson, Tig Notaro, David Sedaris, and even Dave Barry. (By the way, I have a postcard from Dave – if I can call him that, where he returned some fan mail when I was in high school. It was a highlight of my adolescence.) Not sure what that says about me, but there it is. 

I listen to podcasts. I study. I think and I write. I try to avoid emulation. 

Is this something that can be learned? I don’t pretend to think I could ever be a performer… I just want to write. 

I want to be funny! There must be a secret magic spell I can utter and I will suddenly have the gift of humor. 

Until then, I’ll keep trying. 

Seriously, is it too much to ask?