Welcome to my world. It is a bright, fast paced, and loud carnival of stimulating ideas. I promise you, everything that comes out of my mouth makes sense to me, until you are looking at me with that puzzled look. What? You don’t understand the leap? Here, let me spell it out for you. Oh. Wait. You were not there, and you have no idea what I am talking about. Hmmm. Never mind.
Going home last week was great! I got to work with my two favorite people to work with, and I felt like I was back at home. Leaving was hard. I may have cried some. Okay, we all know I cried some. I know it sounds crazy, but this job feels like a spouse. It feels like what I imagine a divorce feels like. I am a little afraid of losing my friends at work. They have been such an important part of my life for so long. I do not want to lose these relationships.
So, where does that leave me? I don’t suppose you want to know I am eating a microwave S’more in a hotel room alone. Solitude does not bother me.
I found the travel brochures. There is one for Lubbock. Hmmm. Only 7 hours away, I could not even drive straight there and back before I have to be back to work.
Adapt and grow. This is an adventure. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have not been banished to the small town in East Texas. I chose this. I should be happy. I will figure it out. The job is fun. Perhaps I am just tired.
So, while I am all over the place mentally and emotionally, most likely because I need a nap, just know these are the fleeting thoughts that come in and out of my mind without warning. They come and they go. All I need is a distraction. Perhaps a well placed brochure to remind me I am traveling down my path. It is going to be good. It’s okay to have mixed emotions. It may even be a good thing. It means I can consider situations as a whole. I am not looking through some lens that leaves me with a short-sighted view of the world.
Nothing is black and white. It is all shades of gray for me.