Tinder Scars

Okay. I need to know- seriously! Does this work? Ever? 

Then, there was this guy… 

I’m sorry, but do what??? When I am passionate? WTF? We had been having a very nice discussion about French Bulldogs VS English Bulldogs. How did we go skidding off the rails here? 

Guys, if you can’t even maintain polite conversation long enough to get me to agree to go out with you, how on earth are you ever going to convince a girl to actually sleep with you? It’s not that hard! Be polite! A little mystery goes a long way. I don’t want to meet your penis before I meet your face! 

So, chances are- I need to deactivate Tinder. I’m not this kind of girl. I’m a nice girl! Well, mostly. That’s not the point. 

Gross. Stop trying to send me pictures of your little friend. I’m good. In fact, I’m more than good. I’m all set. I can find those all on my own if the mood strikes. 

Tinder, you have scarred me for life. 

Tinder. Please don’t. 

  Let me be clear. Ewww. This is the ONLY correspondence I have had with this “gentleman.” Trust me, it will go no further. Gross. Please do NOT come to my hotel. Is this real? I never dreamed people actually spoke to people this way. It’s tacky. 

Come on guys! Does this work on any level? What the hell is wrong with you? This is seriously gross. Oh! And the Pray Now picture? One of his profile photos. Certainly seems to be a man of God to me. 

On a brighter note, I have had some interesting and seemingly nice “chats” with some fellows. (Pronounced fella in Texas) I just love the word fellow. Pretty sure it is the best word for a man.  Not the doctor kind though. I only like a few of those.
I don’t know how to feel about Tinder. I have been called “beautiful, baby, honey, hun, gorgeous, sexy, sweetie, darling, and dear.” All of these terms of endearment from people I have not even spoken to. (FYI: this pretty much puts you on the un-match list.) 

You don’t know me! Don’t be calling me names. Try “hello” and say something witty and clever that is not filled to the brim with innuendo and references to either your penis or my breasts.  

I promise you: I am not going to have sex with you the first time I meet you. Probably not the second either. Wait. Not probably. It’s not happening. 

So stop alluding to sex! It’s annoying! You are an adult. Can’t you have an adult conversation without stooping to sex? Do you have any hobbies? Is your job interesting? 

Furthermore. There is a shocking number of profiles for married men out there looking for FWB. I’m dying to know. Why don’t you have sex with your wife? Your marriage would probably be happier. If she doesn’t want to have sex with you, maybe you should evaluate how you are treating her. Do you make her feel special? Do you make her a priority? What is it? Why are you giving up on our marriage? Love your damn spouse! 

Maybe I am naive. I think I may have to follow a certain British chap’s advice and go back to the old fashioned way of meeting people. You never know, you may get to have a really fun time at a Bruce Springsteen concert.