Tilting at Windmills


There comes a time when I have to lose the quixotic attitude I have concerning my employment. My capricious ways are exhausting. I know without a doubt this new opportunity is something I need to pursue.

I have spent my entire career in the same health system, and in order to continue to grow, it is time for me to branch out. Yeah, I am scared of going to a new place. New doctors, new patients, new EMR. Then, I remember how lovely the block schedule is going to be. 7- 10 days off at a time. Wow! I am going to have more time to devote to writing, and I just bought a new camera. I want to learn photography.

After spending all these years focused so intently on my career, I have decided I need more. I need to be a whole person. I owe it to myself.

Change is scary. I am leaving my support system at work. I always know who to seek out for advice. They have made a nice work family for me, and I am going to miss them terribly.

Nothing great ever happens if you do not take a chance.

I am going to spend the next two weekends seeing friends and Mudder Buddies. There are a lot of June babies in our group, and I can’t wait to celebrate with them. I never dreamed it would take me 35 years to get some courage. Concerts and Barbecues. It is gonna be fantastic. I think we are meeting up to go hiking with some Tough Mudder Dallas peeps.

My first picture with my new camera. I have no idea what I am doing, and I need to get some editing software and learn to use it. However, I think it is rather symbolic. There are alway blue skies behind the clouds.

Life is an adventure. May as well explore the possibilities.

Life is a highway.

The Lone Star State. Map from geology.com

I have spent my entire life as a resident of Texas. I am now considering a new adventure which could lead to more exploring of this great state.

There are so many reasons why I should stay put, and enjoy the life I have built here in West Texas. I have good friends, my family is here, and I am scared.

I do not pretend to be this wall of self-confidence, and most people who know me understand I am generally wracked with self- doubt and negative self-talk. (How many times can I hyphenate self-words in one sentence?)

I was talking to one of Tough Mudder Buddies recently, and he was talking about his job search. He was explaining how he felt he needed to be ready for certain positions, and I came up with some profound statement about how when we wait until we are ready, we never do anything. It’s true.

I have never been “ready” for anything to happen in my life. I have always been a little scared of the unknown, and more than a little nervous at the prospect of change. I am working to overcome this.

There is this little ridiculous part of me which makes me feel somewhat disloyal when I seek to make changes in my life. As if I am not appreciative of what I already have. This is silly. Why would I think this way about myself? I certainly don’t begrudge others when they seek to improve themselves.

It’s time to see what the world has to offer. It is time to see what I am capable of.

I owe it to myself, and to all the people who have taught me.

I was given an amazing opportunity, and I learned so much. I was afraid of that challenge too. I am heading into this with an open mind, and an open heart. I need to allow myself to honestly evaluate if this is a good opportunity for me and my career.

There are a lot of important factors to be considered. I am going to seek the counsel of my mentors and family. I know I can look at these situations objectively, and I know I have the ability to make wise and appropriate choices.

I just need to remove fear and self-loathing from the equation.