My One Regret: Tough Mudder- Mesa

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IMG_7972I just finished reading The Blogger’s account of the end of Tough Mudder. Those of you who know anything at all about it, know that it always ends with a trip up Everest and a dash through electricity.

I knew all along that Everest is not something I feel like I need to do. It just seems rather careless with a marginal knee. So, I never intended to do it. I did not expect to do what I did though.

I went and sat off to the side alone. I was not watching my teammates crushing this obstacle. I missed Amazing Daniel giving back to his team, one person at a time. You see, Daniel was paralyzed in a work accident. He still came and crushed every single obstacle Tough Mudder had to throw at him. Then, at the end, after he traversed a human ladder to the top of Everest, he stayed at the top and caught the hands of every member of our team to help them to the summit. I missed it.

I forgot about my team. I was frustrated, sore, tired, hungry, and irritable. More than anything, I was ashamed that I had stopped training for TM. I knew that I had brought all that pain and misery on myself. I hated feeling so weak and dependent on that course. I felt like the anchor that threatened to drag down the ship. I felt like I did not belong. I felt like they would have been better off without me.

Letting myself entertain those thoughts was a dangerous game to play. It sucked all my motivation out the door. It is unfortunate that I threw those dice three months before TM. I gave in to negativity. I stopped believing that I was worth fighting for. I unlearned all the lessons I thought I had learned. It is a slippery slope. Negativity only breeds more negativity. I knew that. I did it anyway.

Now, let’s keep in mind my team is awesome. They had supported me the entire time. No one made me feel this way. I did. I let the noise inside my head crowd out reality. The worst part about this whole journey to a healthier lifestyle is the way I talk to myself. I constantly undermine my successes and sabotage all that is good. I do that. No one does it to me. So, I am responsible for changing it.

Yes, TM was awesome.

Yes, TM was HARD.

Yes, I walked across the finish line- and celebrated with my team.

Yes, I hated a lot of it.

Yes, my life changed.

Yes, I made some new life long friends.

Yes, I changed my mind about some people.

I am planning to do two more Tough Mudders this year. Dallas and then I will rejoin the SDLHC in Philly. I have a lot of things that I want to do over.

  1. No crying about climbing over walls.
  2. No going off and ignoring my friends, just so I can entertain my own negativity.
  3. I will more prepared physically for the challenge.
  4. I won’t let my head do all the thinking.
  5. I will buy a waterproof camera and take a ton of pictures.
  6. I will share this experience with my son (In Philly)
  7. I will not shut out my best friend this time.
  8. I will remember that being quiet and ignoring the group, hurts people’s feelings.
  9. I will not lose my bib.
  10. I will figure out how to avoid blisters.
  11. I will get different underwear.
  12. I will laugh more.
  13. I will wear a damn TIARA. You know why? Because I am a damn Princess.

So, yeah. My biggest regret is that I missed Everest. It was a selfish move. I will not be making that mistake again.

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I really underestimated how much this would change my life.

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Nope- look at the bottom. I was terrified at that point. I swear, it is so much higher than it looks here.

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Nose wrinkle and all. I guess I did not care what I looked like. Maybe I stepped out of my head for a minute, and let my heart take over.

 

This is me. I am not starting over. I am continuing this quest. I may make mistakes, and I may have some regrets. That does not diminish what this experience was for me. Remember- in my new tribe, we have a saying:

We totally got this.

 

Tough Mudder Course map… Orange Headband, beer, and friends

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OH HOLY HELL. There is obviously something malfunctioning in my brain.E2d3ci-15.03.14 Spectator Map PDF

As I ponder this task, I am left with a sense of awe and wonder. I wonder what on earth ever possessed me to think this is a good idea. Then, I take a deep breath and ask myself “What’s the worst thing that can happen?” Oh, and don’t forget the “death waiver.” I am actually going to sign a death waiver.

Now, some people will do anything for a buck. I am not being paid to do this. I am paying for the pleasure of throwing myself into a giant pit of mud and jumping into a dumpster full of nasty ice water.  (Actually, they have upgraded this obstacle, and it looks way worse now.)

Why would I do this? I don’t actually know anymore. The only thing I am sure of is I have to try. I have to prove to myself that I am not scared to try something new. (thinking knitting might have been a little more my speed… )

I have a suitcase full of gear. I am planning a great week. I am scared and nervous.

I cannot watch anymore videos about these obstacles- or else I am not going.

I am going. Of course I am going. All the girls are going to have a hair braiding party the morning of the Mudder. Then, that night… we are going to have a big party. It is gonna be great. We are a little crazy. IMG_7800

So, here’s to my crazy Mesa Mudsliders team. We are gonna have a blast. We are staying together as a giant group, I am sure people are going to find us obnoxious. There are almost 50 of us. Crazy, I know. It is great though. We have spent the last 6 months or so scheming and planning, worrying and fretting, and sometimes preparing. I am okay with however I do at this. I am going to do the best I can. I am not going to give up, and at the end of the day… I am going to have a drink and toast a successful day. I have nothing to prove to anyone except myself. (Oh, and the people who think I can’t do this.) I have news for everyone- I can do anything I set my mind to- and today… My mind is set on crossing that finish line so I can wear that orange headband and drink a beer with my new friends.