I Still Haven’t Found…

Excuse me, Mr. Bono. I was sitting here brooding, as I frequently do, and I realized part of my angst stems from not having concrete goals. 

For years I had things I was working toward and this kept me in a perpetual state of waiting. Waiting for real life to begin. Well, I have arrived and not much has changed except I no longer know what comes next. 

Perhaps this is part of why so many people fall into the trap of going back to school repeatedly. I have to admit part of me dreams of neatly segmented semesters and real deadlines. Besides all the struggle has an endpoint. You even know the exact date! 

I may or may not have done a search for doctoral programs in my field. I have no idea what it would actually solve, or really if it would help me in my search for professional satisfaction. Frankly, I don’t even know what I want to do! 

Life after school is confusing. It feels like a constant state of running around in circles. Searching for something. Waiting to get your “shit together.” When do we actually experience what that feels like? What exactly are we hunting? What will it feel like when we get there? 

So, in an attempt to find answers while making as little effort as possible, I googled the lyrics to one of my favorite U2 songs. It gave me no answers. So onward I will trudge to the next project. Until I find what I’m looking for.