Despite all the fun I have on my adventures and while I am working, I miss these guys way too much sometimes.
The little men in my life make it all worthwhile. I can’t wait to go home tomorrow.
Author: ladyquirky
Learning to live life as an adventure.
Selfies are about memories
I know. It’s funny to make fun of all the silly people who take selfies all the time. I completely disagree with those folks though. There was a time I went out of my way to avoid being in pictures. I hated seeing myself. It was entirely too easy to avoid being in the photos.
This all started to change when I was taking my son to New York City. I found a walking tour with a photographer. I realized how few pictures there were of the two of us together, and I desperately wanted them. This was the beginning of my commitment to my son to give him photographic evidence of our life together. I have never heard someone lament they had too many photos of their loved ones.
These photos and the selfies I have been taking with my friends and family are a way to demonstrate I care enough to want a reminder of our relationship.
There are so many people from my past I can barely remember. I have almost no photos of us together (that is if I am lucky to have any at all.) I will not live life that way anymore. I understand before we had instant access to a camera and seemingly unlimited electronic storage it was more difficult. There is no excuse now.
Trust me, most of the time I think I look horrible in these pictures. I got the wrong angle, my chin is super fat, or my nose is all wrinkled up. The people who know me know what I look like. They love me no matter what face the camera managed to catch. If they don’t, I don’t give a shit anyway. I am not totally made up and looking fabulous in all of these photos. I am just my most authentic self.
When I was choosing these photos I was deliberate about choosing memories I loved and not focusing on my perception of my flaws. This is hard for a girl like me. I tend to focus on all the reasons I should not be in the pictures.
Then I get a grip. Of course I should be in the photos of my life! I should get as many photos of me with the people I love as possible. We should really stop worrying about what we think people are thinking about us, and realize most people don’t care. We are hurting ourselves and our friends and family when we refuse to take a picture with them.
These are just a few of my favorite memories from this year. I have been so lucky to be able to go out and meet new people. I have had so many awesome adventures. These people are so special to me and I am excited to have photos I can reminisce over. I would not trade any of these photos for one airbrushed inaccurate representation of my life.
I have no intention of stopping the selfie craze. I refuse to hide from the camera anymore. I hope more of us continue this zany trend.
I am totally taking the train.
I have decided on my next grand adventure.
I am going to take the train on a long trip. Anyone want to come along? Any tips?
It’s Not About Survival
A friend of mine posted this on Facebook tonight. It seemed remarkably appropriate for my current situation. Well, except no princes have been proposing to me lately, however that is hardly the point.
I hear women call themselves survivors frequently. I have had that term draped around my neck a time or two myself. I realized today I don’t want to be a survivor. I don’t want to simply survive my life. I want to thrive. I want to find new adventures and challenges. I don’t need to be rescued.
Too often we allow the baggage of our past to drag us down. We find ourselves swimming against the current and fighting our own progress. Sometimes it is best to simply relax and see where the river’s flow will take us.
I refuse to be a captive to the little voice in my head telling me I can’t succeed. I refuse to settle and fail to accomplish my goals to the absolute best of my ability. I won’t be a victim to my thinking or anyone else’s actions.
I have already achieved so much more than I ever believed I would. There is no indication I am going to be a failure. I deserve to give myself a break.
Survival is about living with the past. I am going to do well despite the past. I can do anything I want to do.
Some people say they are fighters. I don’t want to fight. That is painful and violent. I am going to live my life with an open mind and an open heart. I am not a fighter.
I will thrive, not just survive.
Adele. Stop Ripping Out My Heart!
Oh, Adele. You rip my heart out! I don’t know if it is your voice or your haunting words.
I know. It’s a cliche. I am that girl. The one who loves a good cathartic cry. Who doesn’t love looking back on their life and wallowing in sentimental, sloppy emotion?
It’s a relief. It’s not real crisis. It’s a safe outlet for stress. I find my attraction to superficial emotion helpful.
My job leaves me with wounds I can’t articulate. Every now and then I need an outlet.
Adele, I thank you for the excuse to cry. Most women (even a few men) get it. We all need to feed our inner drama queen from time to time.
Now just waiting
My big move to the Northeast is coming up fast! One big hurdle is done, now just waiting for a few more smaller things.
I started planning my road trip, and I am ecstatic to think about me and my pup on a grand adventure. I am going to see a huge swath of the country I have yet to experience.
This is going to be a blast!
The world has lost it’s mind
As a human being, I must admit I am tired of all the violence. I am tired of the mass shootings. I am tired of the terrorists. I am tired of all the fighting over imaginary lines and ideologies.
As a species we have evolved enough to send a man to the moon. We can have instantaneous communication with people anywhere in the world.
Can someone explain to me why we are such assholes that we are unable to treat our fellow humans with a little respect and dignity?
Is there a point to all of this? Most assuredly there is not. I am frustrated with the fact that I am becoming desensitized to the point I am no longer surprised that gunmen went and shot up a group of innocent people. I should be broken by this news, and yet I am not. It’s just another day.
I don’t want to live in a world where this is okay. I want people to care about others. How have we managed to ignore the progress of mankind?
There is no excuse for hunger. There is no excuse for people not receiving medical care. Children should not have to risk their lives to go to school.
On a smaller scale, you have domestic violence and bullying. Why the hell can’t we figure it out? This is not that complicated. People should do their part. We should all be working towards a creating a better world.
Just stop hurting people.
I don’t want to be afraid.
I remember when I was a little girl, I would lie awake at night and worry about whether or not there would be a war here. Now, I feel like I am not even safe at my place of work. Gunmen keep attacking healthcare facilities. We have active shooter training.
What the actual hell? Why is this necessary? Why can’t we just make it stop? It seems so simple. Stop hurting people. Keep your hands to yourself. Don’t call people names. Maybe you don’t always have to be right.
I don’t want to be afraid.
Frustrated and Annoyed
Sometimes I get frustrated and annoyed when I am at work.
No. Let me rephrase that.
I spend much of my life frustrated and annoyed. I think it may have something to do with my impatience at other people’s pace.
I wonder what it is like to go through life taking your time and never getting excited or worked up about anything.
It sounds boring to me.
Until I master that skill, can the rest of you hurry up already? This is all taking entirely too long.
*Cartoon stolen from Facebook.
Red Lipstick and Curls
I am not the most girly of girls. I struggle with the normal things most girls seem to be able to do. One of the most challenging aspects of girlhood has been hair styling. I am not even kidding. For years I did not even own a blow dryer. Forget about a curling iron. Seriously, I am the girl who shaved her head at 17.
For the past few years I have been a little more adventurous in this department. I have been growing my hair out and learning how to use more cosmetic products. (The eyeliner remains hit or miss.) I own a good hairdryer and have actually invested in a flat-iron. I am not saying I use them every day, there are still a lot of days that a ponytail is all you are going to get. Sorry, I am not sorry.
Despite my forward progress, the curling iron and all other curling apparatus have remained completely shrouded in mystery and challenge for me. Imagine my delight when I found resources for creating curls while you sleep! AMAZING! All I need is a headband? I have those! In my suitcase! So, I had to try it out.
I think the curls turned out pretty well. I was a little nervous my hair was too big and fluffy, perhaps I would be drawing too much attention to myself. I did the only natural thing to do. I paired it with red lipstick. I mean nothing says understated quite like bright red, come kiss me lips. Somehow, I managed to ignore the intense anxiety welling up in my as I walked out the door.
Femininity is a daunting skill for me. I struggle with it. Dammit! Where is my girly girl brain? The girl who understands what clothes go together and whether or not the electric blue eyeshadow is slutty or not? It is really unfair. How do you know where the line between daring fashionista and garish clown resides?
What are the rules? Don’t try thumbing through fashion magazines. It does not help.
I want to rock red lipstick. I think women who are willing to risk the red smear and mess of red on their teeth are ballsy. That is the kind of woman I want to be. It really has nothing to do with what other people think or like. I want to do it for me.
Some may say it is silly or trite to make wearing red lipstick a life goal. I think the bigger issue is whether or not I am willing to walk out of my house and wear exactly what I wanted to that day. Every moment I resist the urge to wipe it off is a little victory for me. This is similar to my old goal of wearing a dress. Now I buy and wear dresses.
I am noticing small changes in my ideas about who I am. I am braver and I am proud of the person I am becoming. Personal growth is hard to measure. It is okay to use the little things to evaluate growth. Confidence waxes and wanes throughout the day. I require frequent self- checks to keep my inner dialogue and self- doubt in check.
I wonder if other women have these issues. The confidence required to wear my hair a little bigger and my smile a little brighter is hard achieve. I used to stare at the ground and avoid interactions with random people. Now I try to be more approachable. It is almost as if I am inviting people to look at me, or offering my costume for their inspection.
Then I remember I am not seeking your approval. I chose this mask for me today. If you like it, thanks. If you don’t, oh well. To be completely honest, it is not even for you. I am expressing my confidence in my unique way. I am giving myself permission to be seen.
Thinking Problems
I may as well admit it, I have a thinking problem.
I continue to over analyze and obsess over every thing that pops into my head. I think it is because I am back to waiting to see when I am going to my new job. Waiting for licensure and credentialing to be completed is agonizing.
I hate waiting.
While I wait, I ruminate.
Agonize.
Worry.
Daydream.
Wonder.
Plot.
Anticipate.
When is all of this angst ever productive? In my experience, never. So, why do I continue to make myself crazy? I think it may be habit. I refuse to be one of those people who rush into decisions without having thought it all the way through. People who rush into things drive me crazy. Life decisions should be carefully considered.
My anxiety about making decisions is often misguided and borders on ridiculous. By the time I am done going over my options I no longer care which option I choose. I almost always have immediate buyer’s remorse. I should have gotten the other one. I also do the thing where I can’t decide between two options and I either get both, or neither. I have to tell sales people to stay away from me when I am making large purchases. If they are over there prattling on about the features and differences between two options, I get overwhelmed and change my mind. It is really a little embarrassing.
Big life decisions about where I want to work or live are often better left to chance. I do better if I am well-informed, but then when I am going about making the choice I try to see what works out best. The problem with this attitude is I am running the risk of making a choice because it is logistically simpler. Sometimes it is because there is less paperwork involved. I hate paperwork. I don’t like signing stuff and I REALLY don’t like signing stuff again.
I am trying to learn how to back off and relax while still evaluating decisions objectively. I am still trying to figure what characteristics are paramount and which are simply preferences. Location and money are important factors but not as desirable as an excellent learning opportunity. I have not figured out a scale to measure and evaluate decision yet. I think assigning traits a weight would help more than a simple pro and con checklist. What about things that are both pro and con? How do you measure which side wins?
I even manage to get weighed down with the decision to make a decision. It is somewhat ludicrous. Here I am trying to ascertain the proper method for ascertaining what I want out of life. I am actually starting to believe the most important skill of highly successful people must be the ability to decide and follow through with their decision. Where do you learn that skill?
So, where is the delineation between purposeful consideration and needless obsession? How does one go about making a decision and standing behind it with confidence?
Most importantly: How on earth do you make your brain turn off for a little while so you can get some sleep?
The Accidental Boxer 