Of course I woke up an hour before my alarm went off. It only makes sense for me to be awake while the rest of the world is tucked away in their beds. I don’t know what they are dreaming of- but I am haunted by anxiety and images of a post apocalyptic world where we never see a smile again.
These masks are hiding the fastest way for us to share our social distancing humanity. I suppose I can only hope my eyes are sending kind messages.
I am struggling a little to figure out how to best be of use. I am doing my job to the best of my ability and I am struck by feelings of inadequacy and fear of missing something important. This is the hardest part of working in the healthcare field. I don’t have any magic answers and don’t believe anyone else does either.
I guess this is the problem with a “novel” disease. It’s brand new and quite frankly I think he is an asshole. I do not think he is a wild animal to be domesticated, and I can only hope he mutates down into something akin to our less virulent influenza strains. Do the virology experts have nightmares about these boogers too? Maybe their knowledge gives them some peace, although I suspect they know more about these microscopic demons and have this feeling of dread as well.
So, even though I am pretty much wracked with a sense of unease, I have to focus on what I can do. I can take care of my patients and the people I love. I can look for solutions and educate myself. I can be a good example for others to follow. Hopefully that will be enough.
I try to dedicate my life to being useful. I want to know I have done my best to be a good citizen and member of society. I do this by doing my job. I look for ways to be of service. I try to the best I can with the tools I have available. Maybe that is all any of us can do.
In the words of the Red Hot Chili Peppers … “these are the melancholy mechanics of my mind…”