Last winter you taught me how to trust myself and my judgement. You were my trial run. The relationship that had bookends. I knew the expiration date from the first date. It didn’t matter, it was reality.
That made you safe.
Yes, I loved you. I still love you and cherish the role you played in my life. You are my Tinderbabe.
You never said things you didn’t mean and I learned feelings won’t kill me. I had lots of feelings. I spent too much time worrying about saying goodbye.
The day came and you helped me load my car. Tetris taught you well. We went to dinner and then had a talk about feelings and other gross stuff. I’ll never admit that it may have helped a little. Even if it all seemed so dramatic. Then, we kissed goodbye and I drove away.
I didn’t die.
I may have cried a little. I had wonderful memories of you giggling during Deadpool, our trip to NYC, and many other fun times. You even introduced me to Game of Thrones.
I managed to stop crying when I stopped listening to Adele on repeat. I was prepared to fall apart. I didn’t.
I had a wonderful group of friends meet me in St. Louis. I swear, I’m not making that up. The distraction helped me transition from a winter fairy tale back to the real world.
Now, I still freak out at the thought of relationships but I am willing to try them on and see what happens.
That’s because of you. I learned to try and live and love in the moment. I don’t have to know what the future holds. I know I will be okay. I may even end up great!
I continue to learn from so many experiences. Even the ones that are a little harder are good in the long run. I’m learning to trust myself and other people. I think it’s a step in the right direction.