Ok, thanks for that Buzzfeed. You gave me yet another totally inappropriate idea for a blog post. (Mom, you probably will not like this one.) But, I have some plans for my funeral. No, I do not anticipate it is going to happen anytime soon; but, one can never be too prepared. Not that it really matters: I am not even going to actually be there. I want my friends and family to have a good time though.
Okay, let’s get the messy stuff out of the way first. Do not bury me. Seems like a waste of space. I would like to be cremated. AFTER you donate anything at all usable to whatever tissue, eye, or organ bank wants me. This is important to me. Organ donation is not always possible for everyone who dies… but, in the situations where it is- I feel it is the only way to go. If I am not a viable candidate that is okay.
Oh, wait. I forgot- this is supposed to be funny. Let’s skip anymore organ talk. Just know I am a registered donor. Now, what to do with my ashes? You can scatter a few of them here and there. Maybe save a small box of them to throw into the air at birthday parties or something? (Is that weird? I want to still BE there!) But, I really want to be turned into something. Maybe a diamond. Can they make them pink? Let me go look. Be right back.
Skip ahead about 6 weeks. I got distracted while I was researching the whole diamond thing. Turns out they are blue. It has to do with Carbon or something.
Okay, now for the fun part. It’s really a shame I am not going to be there. I am imagining a huge party full of my friends and family (hoping they are all ancient because we lived so long.)
Hey. You know what? Planning my funeral does not sound as interesting as I thought it was six weeks ago. (Who does that?) Apparently, I do.
Seriously though, I work in a hard profession. We see a lot of death. This may be part of my preoccupation with it. It’s kinda funny, I have scrapbook upstairs in my office from when I was a kid. There is an unusual number of death notices and obituaries in it. So, maybe I have always been preoccupied with death.
One of my biggest concerns is that something will happen to me, and I will have left something important unsaid. I do not want anyone to wonder how much I loved them, or what an impact they had on my life.
I don’t believe in an afterlife. So, that means that I have to make every day count. I do not want to be filled with regret in my life moments of life. I want to know that I lived.
There is a part of me that wants to know that I made a meaningful difference on the world while I was here. I know, that sounds rather self-important. I do not mean for it to. I just want to help people. It is not fame or money that I seek… (although- some money would be nice.) I just want to look back on my life and to know that I did the best I could with what I had, and that I used my particular skills and gifts for good. So, maybe I want to be a superhero. I wonder what my superpower would be.
To sum it up. When I die, please do not do all that embarrassing funeral stuff. Go to a bar- ask for a whiskey on ice. Top shelf- not that cheap crap. Listen to Green Day’s Good Riddance- and sing along with all your heart, because I promise you- when I was with you, I had the time of my life. Take care of my family and friends. Please, please, please- make inappropriate jokes and make everyone laugh uncomfortably.
I promise, I will do everything I can to live a long and productive life. I will live without regret. I will seek adventure every day. I will love with all my heart.
*** now, for those of you who think this is all macabre and sick- understand- I believe people only fear death because they have not fully lived. I intend to live life fully.