Blissfully Unattached

Stolen from pinterest
As I scroll through my Facebook news feed, I am inundated with happy couples.

“She said Yes!”

“Happy Anniversary to the love of my life…”

“I have the best boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife…”

“I love you Baby.”

Blah, blah, blah, blah. It’s not that I am unhappy for these adorably sickenly sweet couples, I just don’t get it. I am not there. I am not feeling all those cotton candy rainbows and butterflies.

I am the single friend. The perpetual third, fifth or sometimes even seventh wheel on any adventure. My friends are all fantastic about including me and I have to be honest, their husbands are exceedingly kind and never treat me like they wish I were not there. They are my friends!

Most of the time I am not even bothered by my singledom. Believe me, I would rather be single than be in a relationship that does not work. No, thank you very much. Then there are those moments that sneak up on you and catch you completely off guard. You find yourself wondering what on earth you are doing wrong.

Maybe I should try Tinder again. Maybe I should start texting all those people I used to “date.” (We use that term loosely in these parts.) I can’t believe so-and-so is getting married. WHAT?!? Look at that! He went back to her? 

These thoughts are fleeting. Once I get through the initial barrage of disbelief I am happy for the couple. Well, unless I am thinking less than generous thoughts. “I bet they get divorced in six months.” or “She is only marrying him because she wants a baby.” These thoughts leave me feeling mean and I don’t like them. I try to suppress those thoughts and stop thinking about it all so negatively.

Why, if I am so happy for these people, do I find myself a little angsty, defensive, and judgmental?

Perhaps it is related to the feelings of inadequacy I experience when I evaluate my life. I have been told by society I should want to be married, have 2.4 children, a dog, and a house in the suburbs by this time in my life. When I evaluate my life on these terms I am failing miserably.

Who says I have to use this yardstick to grade my choices?

When I take a step back and honestly evaluate where I am in my life, I am doing pretty good.

I am reasonably successful professionally. My relationship with my family and friends is strong. I pretty much have the ability to go and see anything I want to experience. I have a great relationship with my only child. New opportunities are pouring out of the woodwork in both my professional and personal life. I get to go on adventures whenever I want to. I have phenomenal mentors who continue to support me as I grow and experience new things.

The only piece of the puzzle missing is a significant other. I forgot to fall in love somewhere along the way. Oops. My bad. At this point in my life, I am not even sure how a relationship would fit in. I am busy traveling and planning my next move. I am not interested in having an external influence to my choices at the present time. (Obviously, aside from my family.) I am going out and seeing what I like and essentially deciding who I want to be. What kind of life do I want to live?

Yes, sometimes I get a little lonely. We are programmed to want someone warm to cuddle with sometimes. (Euphemisms abound. Remember, my granddaddy reads this blog.) Seriously though, I am happy. I am not Desperately Seeking Anyone. At this point in my life, he would have to be amazing. I cannot even fathom what this man would be like. I try to envision what I think would make me happy, and I fail.

So, despite my snarky feelings about *your happiness, I am perfectly blissfully unattached.

*Obviously, not you, this was intended for people other than you. I love you and only want the best for you.


If you want to see more emo heart pics… I stole this one from Pinterest.

A Single Girl and The Imaginary Guy

I do not wake up every morning pining for a special guy to come and make my life worth living. I do not sit around and wonder when the man of my dreams will come and rescue me from the drudgery of my life.

This does not mean I am completely opposed to the idea of sharing my life with one other human being, I just have not found one other human being I want to come along on the ride. Instead, I have been learning how to lead a more fulfilling and interesting life on my own. I am branching out and finding new adventures. I am doing all the things that have terrified me most.

Despite all of this, I often wonder what kind of person could put up with my particular assortment of quirks. He would have to be exceptionally patient. He would have to be brave and kind. The ability to cleverly keep me entertained and challenge me would be paramount. Laughter would be required. He would need to possess a true love of words and puns.

I imagine this man would find my idiosyncrasies charming and cute. He would let me ramble on and prattle about my day. He would tolerate the times I just can’t speak out loud anymore. He would have subtle ways to let me know when I am getting louder and louder without meaning to. There would be knowing glances and looks filled with inside jokes.

He would appreciate my terrible taste in movies, music, and books. He would understand I need lots of time to prepare to face the world every day. My anxiety about new places and people would not irritate him. He would encourage my wandering thoughts and let me follow them to their conclusion.

This imaginary man would think my terrible singing and obligatory car concerts are amusing. He would join in the fun. He would understand the way I ruminate and over think every decision. He would appreciate my persistence and tenacity, even when the best option would be to let the situation die down on its own.

This man would view me as a whole person who is sharing her life with his whole person. We would have separate interests and would not have to be glued together as if we were conjoined at the hip. We would appreciate the time apart and would welcome the tales of each other’s separate experiences. We would take great pleasure in finding little odd reminders of each other.

We would respect each other as people. He would have his bad habits and I would find his quirks charming and exasperating. I would love the things about him that make him unique. He would have my full support in whatever endeavors he found worth his time.

Now, until I meet that guy, I have every intention of living my life for every day. I will not sit around and wait for him. I will continue to find things to challenge me. I will continue to build new relationships. I will keep on looking for my next adventure.

I am just a single girl. I am not waiting for a hero. I do not need to be rescued. If I never meet this guy, I will be just fine. However, if he is out there I hope he is patient and will allow me to figure out he could be the imaginary guy for me. IMG_5747