If only we were lucky enough to have warning signs detailing the road work and the distance we would have to travel to get passed it in our regular life.
Oh, I forgot. We DO have these warning signs. We have friends and family who are able to view our lives a little more objectively. They are the voice of reason when emotions cloud our judgement.
I was dating this guy recently. He was handsome, smart, and charming. He said all the right things. He managed to be attentive without making me feel stifled. He went out of his way to make me feel beautiful and smart. I was ignoring the indicators of potential problems.
He complained about his (dead-end) job. He was supposedly working on his master’s degree. Except he was not actually working on it. He talked about not “needing” money to be happy. The relationship was moving FAST. I was a little overwhelmed by all of this. My head was spinning. He was so good-looking. I ignored those things making me nervous and focused on the good stuff.
He called when he said he would. He made me laugh. He seemed to have read all the right books. He was so good-looking. He told me how much he liked me. He pointed out the reasons I was unique. He found my kryptonite. He made me feel special.
Then one day he called with a complaint about parking tickets and a boot on his car. Hmmm. How many parking tickets have you not paid? Once again I just sat on my concerns until later in the day when he texted me from a different phone number because his cell phone service had not been paid.
It’s okay to be having financial problems. I get it. I have struggled with money for most of my life. The part that made me nervous was his insistence of these things being no big deal. Then, he got defensive and mildly aggressive. I stopped talking to him at this point.
I had several girl friends who were not as enamored by this fella as I had been. They had not voiced their concerns until I voiced mine. Everyone wanted to avoid being the negative bitch. The problem is I count on my women friends to tell me when I am not using my brain. I chose them to serve that role in my life.
I find myself not being completely honest when I don’t like the guy a friend is dating. I think we all do it.
At some point we have to make sure we stand up for our female friends. Dating is dangerous. I was imagining what Nancy Grace would have to say about my death and who would portray me in the Lifetime movie before I was ready to break contact with this dude.
I was not hurt, nor was I actually in danger. I was still very much in the getting to know you stage with this man. I dodged a bullet.
So, what is the best way to live up to The Girl Friend Code? What are the absolute traits we have to help our friends avoid? How do we help our lovely, strong, capable friends avoid being a headline? Any suggestions?