I have a few photos on social media of me with paramours who are no longer part of my life. 

One of them felt like a big deal. I even changed my relationship status to “In a relationship.” I’ll never do that again. 

I am not deleting them. 

I am not adding snarky comments about how they turned out to be major douchebags. 

My Facebook account and to a lesser extent Instagram are a diary of my experiences. Memories of fun nights out, my thoughts on current events, and even random thoughts that make no sense now are available for my reminiscing pleasure. Why would I pretend something or someone never happened? 

We have all seen the TV and movie montages where the scorned girl seeks catharsis by cutting or burning a lover out of her life. I guess it may help in some cases. It’s not for me though. 

Despite the way things ended up, nevermind my heartache, these people influenced the person I am today. 

I am also quite happy in these photos. You can see the excitement of new love, lust, or whatever it was, and it illustrates the hope I still have for the future. I look cute. All aglow with sparkling eyes. 

Yes, I know I blacked his face out for this post. Seems to contradict my whole point, but maybe the point isn’t who he was. The point is who I was at that moment. I was a girl, giddy and vulnerable, willing to document the moment I knew I was smitten. 

My word choice baffles me now. Consistently. Hmmm. Perhaps it sheds a little light on what I value in relationships. Nevermind that looking back, it’s completely untrue. There was nothing consistent about him. Seriously. Epitome of dude who is most likely married and lying about it. 

I get to keep my memories of the time I truly believed I had met someone special. I get to keep the souvenir of the excitement of a new relationship. It doesn’t matter what it was to him. I don’t even know what he was experiencing. It turns out that wasn’t the point. I had zero control over who he was or wasn’t. 

Let’s be honest, by the end of it all, he just wasn’t very nice. 

I’m not going to delete or attempt to erase my past, no matter how untrue it turned out to be. It was real at that moment and I get to keep it. 

“It’s not the destination, but the journey” may sound cliche. I am too frequently guilty of thinking of “my journey.”  But it was my trip, I paid for the gas and traveled across a new land. The ending sucked and I was embarrassed and hurt; I am keeping the evidence to remind me how much I enjoyed the ride. 

36 Things on my 36th Birthday

This year has been a year full of adventures, travels, growth, love, and friendship. I have had a great year! I try to always learn something even when life is determined to be frustrating. It has all been worth it! 

 Here are some of the things I learned in my 36th year. 

  1. Even “mild” winters in the Northeast are rough for a Texas girl. 
  2. Five hour flights, seated between teenage boys who do not belong to you, are tortuous. 
  3. The sun is an important ingredient for sanity. 
  4. Adventures with my son trump any other adventure. He will always be my favorite travel buddy. 
  5. It does not matter where you meet someone if you have a real connection. 
  6. I underestimate my abilities frequently. 
  7. The peace I feel staring at large bodies of water is a spiritual experience. 
  8. Loyalty does not mean I can never move on.
  9. The same goes for appreciation. 
  10. My family will always support my dreams. 
  11. Just because he is dreamy and hot… does not mean he is not riddled with douchebaggery.
  12. Too many first dates in one week leaves me drained and ceases to be fun. 
  13. Bruce Springsteen is the most amazing performer ever. Which can set you up to be blindsided by his other fanatic fans. Just enjoy the show. That’s all you need for a magical evening.
  14. A good waiter makes a fantastic meal even better. 
  15. Sometimes it is okay to splurge on the ridiculously expensive purse. Well, only if you really love it. 
  16. Meeting new people requires a willingness to engage in conversation. 
  17. Binging on Netflix documentaries can make me a little crazy. (Keep in mind the filmmakers have their own agenda.)
  18. Red lipstick makes me feel like a million bucks. (Although, it’s important to keep in mind the fact it transfers when you are kissing someone. Oops.) It’s okay- it was totally his color. 
  19. It’s okay that I completely changed my entire belief system. It’s also okay that I am still learning about what I believe. 
  20. I still idolize newsmen. Spotlight was a phenomenal movie and I geeked out seeing journalists as heroes. 
  21. 20 minutes is plenty of time to spend looking at one of the wonders of the world. As long as you get a selfie. 
  22. Good natural light beats a filter any day. 
  23. Sometimes you see a picture of a dog and you know they belong in your family no matter the price or distance. 
  24. Honesty and open communication allow for amazingly intimate relationships. 
  25. The people who love you are not trying to fix you. They love you for who you are at that moment. 
  26. Good friends keep life interesting and keep the loneliness at bay. 
  27. Yoga hurts. Yoga speaks to me. Yoga haunts me. I have mixed feelings about yoga. Obviously. Sigh. 
  28. The miasmic hospital air cannot ruin your life if you find interests outside your career. This sentence is every bit as pretentious as I want it to be. 
  29. I will never be lost if I know where my home is. It’s with my family and the other people I love. 
  30. I have a lot of different definitions of love. I don’t owe anyone an explanation. I get to do it just like Sinatra taught me. “My Way.” 
  31. It’s perfectly acceptable for my career to be about having a job. It does not need to define me. 
  32. My mother is still the first person I want to call with any big or little news. 
  33. I can’t stop buying and reading books. It’s an addiction for me. One I won’t give up. 
  34. Rental cars pretty much suck. Oh, and 100 on signs in Montreal does not mean mph. 
  35. Writing is still my favorite thing. I am still finding my voice and learning how to be authentic.
  36. You can’t tell the ones you love how much you love them often enough. Don’t save it for drunken ramblings… That diminishes the power of the statement. 
  37. And one to grow on: The comma still frustrates me immeasurably. Damn punctuation. 

All in all- it’s been a great year! I am pretty sure this year is going to be just as exciting! 
*I really like black and white shirts. It may be time to branch out more color wise. 

Cameras on Planes

So, I was bored. My son was doing his homework. I started playing with the camera.  

 I really love so many of these. 

Some of them are pretty good. I loved the angle I was able to capture him at. This is what happens when my phone is dying and I am stuck on a plane.