Tag: Locums Life

Day 15

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been up here in The Empire State for 2.5 weeks now, and I think I am probably changed forever. I am learning so many things about myself. I have new concerns for my patients. I am afraid of exposing them to a virus if they do not already have it. I am also afraid of leaving them afraid and feeling isolated even after I see them. It is hard to comfort people when you are trying to maintain a safe distance from them. 

I am also learning to communicate with stressed out family members who are feeling neglected and ignored because they cannot be at the hospital. When our loved ones are sick we want to be there to take care of them and we are unable to allow visitors. I cannot even imagine what it is like to be sitting by the phone wondering what the hell is going on at the hospital. I know my imagination tends to run wild when I cannot be there. I can’t imagine what it would be like during this time. I am trying to make plenty of time to reach out and give these families the support and care they need as well. 

All of this is stressful and it is easy for me to become mired in self-pity and to feel like it is all too much. I have to remind myself that I am one of the lucky ones. My family is safe and sound at home. 

Speaking of lucky, I got presents! A dear, sweet friend made me some beautiful scrub caps and I am already feeling even more loved and cared for than I usually do. Our friends and family are the reason we can keep doing these jobs. They remind us to keep fighting and provide us with the support we need to overcome our fears and self- doubt. When I find myself feeling inadequate and wonder what I am doing all I have to do is think of all the people who believe in me. 

It is so easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk. When I am frustrated I tend to take it out on myself. I wonder why I cannot be better. I wonder why I do not know all the answers. I convince myself anyone else could do a better job than I am doing right now. I ask myself just exactly who do I think I am and what makes me think anyone would trust me to take care of their loved one. That is a dangerous place to live in for very long. It is also not true. 

Not that I am special, but I know how to take care of patients. I have been taught by the best of the best. I went to one of the best nursing and NP schools in the country. My mentors have all been phenomenal and they have taught me the skills I need to provide excellent care. 

My fears are healthy as long as I keep them in perspective and use them to make sure I am constantly evaluating every situation and looking for the best solution. Staying humble allows me to ask for help and recognize my own limitations. This is why I am good at my job. I am not afraid to ask for help and this is a strength, not a weakness. 

I do not know what the future looks like. None of us do. We all need to keep our wits about us and just keep doing the next thing when it comes up. We will make it through this because we are able to adapt and change. This is our gift as a species. We all need to be prepared for things to change and to be willing to change along with each situation as it arises. We need to protect and love each other. I am so grateful to know I am loved and I get the opportunity to give something back to others. It makes me feel useful. 

Today is a better day. Wish me luck and remember to take care of the ones you love. We all need support right now. These are scary and hard times. I feel like we can make it through though. 

Day Dreaming

~ ladyquirky ~ 3 Comments

Today I managed to sleep most of the day. Still having terrible nightmares, but I am feeling better during the waking hours. A friend texted me to keep writing and connecting with other people and I think that is probably the best advice I could have been given. Got another box of presents! Tide, masks, an umbrella… plus Amazon sent me granola bars. I would say that is a good day. Especially when I also got some goodies from a friend last night. 

I never would have dreamed that people thinking of me and reaching out to send me stuff would mean so much. It makes me wonder why we don’t correspond more by mail these days. Maybe we should start. Just a postcard. Or a little note scribbled on a scrap of paper. What if we actually invested in nice stationary and spent some time writing letters? Anyone want to start doing that? Just a thought. 

So, I bought a Hobonichi planner for this year and I am using these daily pages as a sort of artsy journal. Not that I have a single shred of artistic talent, but I smear some watercolor on the page or tack down a momento or a photo in the mornings before work. Nothing special, but I am enjoying it. One reason I do not like to scrapbook is there is too much pressure on making everything perfect. There is nothing about my life that is perfect. It is all wonderfully messy and I like it that way. Does anyone else do something like this? 

I have decided that once all this is over and I take some time off for some R&R I am going to the beach. I plan to sit by the pool under an umbrella with my stack of books and drink the cocktail of the day. I will make no decisions except which swim attire to wear. I will only read novels and short stories. I do not want to think about anything important. I just want to relax. 

Tonight is day 10. Hoping for a good night. Maybe I can make some new friends and find someone to have some laughs with. So, my goal for tonight is to find at least one person with an incredibly sick sense of humor and to make friends with them. Wish me luck. 

Day 7

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

Had a good dinner last night, and would like to say I slept like a baby. I did sleep until the alarm, so there is a small bonus.

Mom sent me some scrub caps and I forgot how much I love having my head covered. I am definitely a hat, scarf, do-rag kind of girl. I don’t know why. It could be laziness. I hate doing my hair.

This morning I am listening to Amanda Shires and wishing I had my little Bose speaker with me. TV is depressing these days. I don’t want to watch the news and I don’t want to see life back to normal on reruns either. I just want to hear some soothing melodies. Oh! And for some reason I fell down a rabbit hole yesterday and started watching interviews and videos of and about Townes Van Zandt. He fascinates me.

People want updates. Not much to say. I do not know how this hospital runs during normal times, but now it is chaotic. I have not found a routine, but I am working on it. I think I will figure it out. Today my goal is to find a list of the floors and their names and phone numbers. Keep your goals specific, measurable, and attainable, isn’t that the advice?

I cannot lie. I am the last to know most things at these hospitals. If information is disseminated on a need to know basis, I guess I am one of the ones who does not need to know. One facility sent me the most “current” information on COVID, and it was literally a copy and paste a viral FB post. 

If you want further proof of the level of my cluelessness, let me tell you about yesterday. I was sitting up in an office working on my notes and desperately trying to figure out this new EMR. I am sitting there, my eyes are squinty because I have a headache, and I am steadily muttering to myself about how stupid all of this is and why can’t things just be easier, when I start hearing the loudest sirens. I thought maybe it was ambulance or something coming into the ER. You can’t get mad about that. Except it just kept going. FOREVER. After several minutes I exclaimed “What the hell is going on???” The doctor working in the office turned and told me to look out the window. There were like a million cars and firetrucks and police officers all driving by. It was like the loudest parade I have ever seen. I have to tell you that was the second time I got all misty eyed and emotional yesterday. 

Every time we discharge a COVID patient they play Rachel Platten’s Fight Song overhead. It is similar to the song they play at some hospitals when a baby is born. I think we are getting fewer COVID hospitalizations, but there still seem to be a lot. 

I wonder what hospitals are going to look like once the surge is over. Are our rural hospitals going to get patients again? Am I going to be able to find work? Are we going to have to keep COVID floors from now on? Or will this just die out? 

We don’t know. I suppose we just have to watch and see. 

For now, I want to say thank you to my friends and family who are sending me supplies, masks, caps, and good wishes. You guys are the reason I can do the job I do. Even when we are not in the middle of a crisis I need the support from the ones I love. I am lucky to have the freedom to be able to travel around and try to help where I am needed most. I am lucky to have a supportive family who take care of my day to day life. I would not trade my people for anything. I am so grateful and appreciative. 

Small town healthcare is different.

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

My professional life has undergone huge changes recently. Working as a locum has been interesting to say the least. This is my first assignment, and to be honest, I am having a blast.

The most interesting part has been some of the things I have learned.

I take knowing the specialists in an area for granted. Trying to keep a sea of new names straight and remembering the process for dealing with them is interesting. I am lost most of the time. (Good thing the nurses know what is going on. I am so grateful they are so helpful. I really think I would be drowning without their assistance.) You do not just consult nephrology, endo, or GI. THEY DON’T EXSIST! So, I am looking up a lot of things I just don’t do often enough.

Small town medicine is different from medicine at home. The best way to compare it to my past experiences is to remember what it was like before I moved to the ICU as a nurse. I remember the mystery and confusion about how things worked after I transferred patients to ICU. Later, I moved to ICU so I could understand how critically ill patients were treated. I feel kinda like I am back on the telemetry floor, most things can be treated on the floor until they require more specialized care.

There is no dialysis. I miss dialysis. Dialysis is my friend. There is also no cath lab. I am not sure if there is interventional radiology or not. (I am pretty sure not.) This means that patients who need these services have to go.

I have a whole new respect for the hospitals that serve as major medical centers. I used to think it was dumb these little hospitals could not handle these issues. DUH! They don’t have the numbers to justify the expense of highly specialized services. That is why you have the larger hospital to receive the funneled patients from a large area. (It’s all becoming more clear!)

Living in a medical hub is quite different from living in a small town. I am not sure which I like better. The small town is interesting, and requires a broad knowledge base. I would think more importantly, it requires a certain sense of humility and practicality. You cannot be afraid to collaborate, and to admit when you are in over your head. It is very likely there are not four or five physicians following each patient, so you need to have a good grasp of basic standards of care for so many situations.

At some hospitals knowing hospital employees makes you a VIP, in these small towns everyone is a VIP. I love that. I think it is exactly how people need to be treated.

Mostly, I am thrilled to see so many competent healthcare providers in this small town. I suppose I always assumed people settled in these rural areas because they could not hack it in a larger hospital system. No… not so much. They are providing services for these communities and I am impressed. I am glad to be here. I cannot wait to see what other adventures are in store for me.

 

Mi Vida Locums

~ ladyquirky ~ Leave a comment

So, the first couple of days were exceedingly hard. I was unsure of myself and I was afraid to make a move. Then, today was my first day really by myself. I did fine. I just did what I have been taught. Treating patients is not different just because I am in a different town. I still know what to do.

The only reason I know this is true, is because I have been taught to do a good job. I have been taught to treat the whole patient and to look at the whole picture.

This is a new adventure. By the way, there is not a Target here. I miss Target. It is my go-to when I am out-of-town.

Having fun, learning a lot, and to be completely honest, I can’t wait to go home and get some hugs from my people. I did not realize how much I hug people. If these strangers don’t watch out, they may be victims of the hugger. LOL. Here’s to new adventures.