It’s New and Exciting

I don’t have a crystal ball. 

Life would certainly be easier if I could have some guarantees.

I am ridiculously happy these days. I walk around grinning at my phone like a fool. I have lost all ability to play it cool. I don’t even think I want to. What is this madness??? 

New relationships are hard enough if you live close to each other. Forget about the fact I work 12-14 hour days. We are forced to make a real effort to make this work. 

Slow down heart. Stop pounding when you hear his ringtone. Stop counting down the days until you are both in the same state. Don’t read too much into the butterflies and warm fuzzy feelings. It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Keep your eyes open. Be realistic. Don’t take off your shoes just yet. 

Yes. I know. It feels different this time. Doesn’t it always feel different when you meet someone you like? Give it time. I know you are just waiting for him to be like everyone else who has disappointed you. 

But, what if he doesn’t? Then what? 

That may be the scariest thought of them all. I know what to do with men that turn out to be douchebags. That’s easy. It has nothing to do with me. It doesn’t mean I am not awesome. It’s their fault. Not mine. They just can’t handle the awesomeness surrounding me. I don’t have to feel bad because it didn’t work out. Maybe I didn’t want it to anyway. 

I constantly tell myself I am independent and I don’t need a man. I’m very happily fulfilled being single. These things are still true. I am still okay if he never turns out to be Prince Charming. I don’t need him to complete me. 

I am having such a good time though. I know for today I don’t want it to end. For some reason I am willing to make the effort to get to know him. I want to make time to see him. I may even want to hold his hand in public! 

I like him. I like him a lot. 

This is new and exciting. Maybe I’ll stop gushing about my Spy soon. Secretly, I kinda hope not. 

Gosh, I just love Maryland. 

I Just Don’t Know

I’m just a girl. 

I don’t know what I want to do with the rest of my life, I have a hard enough time deciding what I want for dinner. 

I don’t want to be forced into making decisions that I cannot undo. 

I like my freedom. 

I don’t want to be trapped. 

I am always going to be more obstinate than you could be prepared for. 

I’ll drive you crazy with my hot and cold moods. 

You won’t own me. 

You’ll make me laugh by singing that damn song. I know I pretend to hate it… but I really kinda like it.

You called me beautiful, brilliant, and outrageously funny before you told me to go to work. Granted I was really late. 

So, I am going to attempt to maintain my cool and collected exterior. Shut up, I am cool. You have no idea what I am thinking. Stop smirking at me. I can feel it. You can’t read my poker face. 

I guess it’s no secret. 

I really do like you. Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you.