No apologies or excuses.
I am not looking for a soul mate.
I don’t want Prince Charming.
I’m just a girl… and I wanna to have fun.
That’s all I really want.
I am 36 years old. I have never been married. I have not shacked up or had a ridiculously long engagement that ended in heartbreak. I’m not some jilted lover who is pining for the one that got away. My biological clock is not shrieking because it is almost too late.
Yes, I cry at weddings. Of course I have imagined hosting a huge, expensive party where 500 of my closest friends watch me exchange nuptials. Most girls have. We are taught that is we what are supposed to want. The wedding industry has been telling us that is the ultimate goal of dating. I’m still not actually under any delusion this is going to happen. I don’t even think it would be that much fun. I would probably resent the expense and get drunk and ruin the whole thing anyway. It’s still fun to think about though.
I’ve also daydreamed about magically falling into a huge sum of money that would allow me to never worry about finances again.
If we want to talk about fantasies I am also a broadway actress and Olympic athlete who has a multiplatinum record that has been nominated for a Grammy.
In my rich fantasy life I have jumped out of airplanes, climbed mountains, and rescued kittens from trees. I have penned bestselling novels and my memoir is the hottest book in all the book clubs. I’ve made the rounds on all the late night talk shows. Jimmy (both of them) loves me and I am his favorite guest. I hide from the paparazzi because I am just a humble artist doing what I was born to do.
I play on Tinder and I flirt with cute bartenders. Now don’t get me wrong, I am not looking for a booty call or a string of sexual conquests. I don’t have any intention of sleeping with every man who makes an offer. By the way, has anyone ever noticed how quick so many men make that offer??? It feels like they are just casting a net and hoping to drag in the days fresh catch.
I am looking for interesting, smart, funny people to have some adventures with. That’s all. If we are exceptionally lucky we will end up friends. I want to spend time with someone special. I want to invest energy in getting to know them and equally as important, I want them to get to know me.
I want to know what makes him smile and laugh. I want to know how his day has been. Does he like puppy and otter videos? Will he see an owl and think of me? Better yet, will he snap a quick photo and send it to me just to make me smile? I can still have all of that even if I don’t want to plan our joint retirement, can’t I?
What book is he reading right now? What movies can we share with each other? Can we watch the sunset and marvel in the beauty of our planet, both of us reveling in the fact that we got to see it together? Will he know and appreciate the fact that I am a cryer and I actually enjoy it? Will he think it’s cute that I cry at Folger’s commercials?
At some point in the near future I will be moving on to the next grand adventure. Can we part ways without hurting each other’s feelings? Can we acknowledge the bittersweet feelings goodbyes bring? Can we be excited for the other’s future escapades? Can we actually fall in love a little and still move on when it’s time to go?
Is it possible to share your present life with someone without planning a future?
Yeah. I think so. I want this to be true.
I don’t want to be rescued because I am not a damsel in distress. I don’t want to be caught because I don’t need a cage to keep me safe.
I just want to have fun. Maybe with a little love sprinkled in so I don’t get tired of traveling alone. I may not be looking for Mr. Right, but I am looking forward to hanging out with Mr. Right Now.