Yes. It’s me time.

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So, yesterday I was downstairs at the hotel, and I met a girl from Minnesota. We commiserated about how freaking hot it is, and I had the sudden urge to look at the pics from my trip in April… or May… whenever it was.

This trip was an opportunity to take a weekend off and write. I used the distraction to refocus on myself. I was not looking for a grand adventure, I was looking for some quiet and perspective. I feel like it worked. I have decided I need to make more room in my life for exploring, and due to my newly acquired self employed status, travel is an option. This is exciting for me. I spent entirely too much time feeling guilty and ignoring my needs.

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Words I need to hear every day.

I struggle with knowing whether or not I am making appropriate progress. Am I growing as a person? Am I learning something new every day? Am I making a difference? Am I a good person?

These questions help me remain grounded and realistic. My goals have become much less specific over time, and I am more open to seeing where life leads me. The decision to do the next thing in front of me, rather than work towards certain goals is opening the world up to me.

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Despite my attempts to find a statue or a bust dedicated to Work Daddy (This is his alma mater) This guy is the only dude I found. Why have they forgotten their finest alum? just kidding. This is a cute little fella. He does not even begin to compare with my Raider Red though. Guns Up!

I am trying to focus on finding humor in these situations, and I am trying to stop taking myself so seriously. I am just trying to give myself a break. It is okay to laugh and have a good time. It is okay to just be. I don’t have to be on a quest for greatness every single damn day. It’s all going to be okay. I can’t help but wonder if I have done myself a disservice with all these years of criticism and holding myself to ridiculous standards. I have to be okay with just doing what feels right at the moment. It is not the end of the world to make a decision. I am not going to die if I order the wrong thing off the menu. (Well, unless I get food poisoning or botulism.)

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Relics. Too bad there is not a shelter for the fallout from our lives.

I doing well. I am making progress. Moving on from my comfort zone is probably the best thing I could have done. I was growing bitter and stagnant. I was full of self-loathing and disdain. In short, I was miserable. We owe it to ourselves to be honest and move on when it is time. We are not doing anyone any favors sticking around when it is not working anymore.

I don’t know where I hope to end up. I am not sure what my future looks like. This is a new experience for me. I am usually scheming and trying to figure out the path I need to take in order to hurry up and get there. Once again, I do not know where “there” is. I don’t have to agonize over plans and goals. I can just be. I can just breathe.

I am enough today. I am enough exactly where I am. I do not have to be searching for that elusive better person I am destined to be. This is the best gift I can give myself. Permission granted. Enjoy the experience of now instead of planning the next one before this one is over. I am so excited to see where this road takes me.

Dude… why am I all over the place today?

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Welcome to my world. It is a bright, fast paced, and loud carnival of stimulating ideas. I promise you, everything that comes out of my mouth makes sense to me, until you are looking at me with that puzzled look. What? You don’t understand the leap? Here, let me spell it out for you. Oh. Wait. You were not there, and you have no idea what I am talking about. Hmmm. Never mind.

Going home last week was great! I got to work with my two favorite people to work with, and I felt like I was back at home. Leaving was hard. I may have cried some. Okay, we all know I cried some. I know it sounds crazy, but this job feels like a spouse. It feels like what I imagine a divorce feels like. I am a little afraid of losing my friends at work. They have been such an important part of my life for so long. I do not want to lose these relationships.

So, where does that leave me? I don’t suppose you want to know I am eating a microwave S’more in a hotel room alone. Solitude does not bother me.

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I found the travel brochures. There is one for Lubbock. Hmmm. Only 7 hours away, I could not even drive straight there and back before I have to be back to work.

Adapt and grow. This is an adventure. I have to keep reminding myself of that. I have not been banished to the small town in East Texas. I chose this. I should be happy. I will figure it out. The job is fun. Perhaps I am just tired.

So, while I am all over the place mentally and emotionally, most likely because I need a nap, just know these are the fleeting thoughts that come in and out of my mind without warning. They come and they go. All I need is a distraction. Perhaps a well placed brochure to remind me I am traveling down my path. It is going to be good. It’s okay to have mixed emotions. It may even be a good thing. It means I can consider situations as a whole. I am not looking through some lens that leaves me with a short-sighted view of the world.

Nothing is black and white. It is all shades of gray for me.

Tired.

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I forgot my new pillow.

I love my new pillow. It is squishy and wonderful. I can ball it up and form it into a perfect nest for my weary head. A couple of months ago, I did not know a new pillow could make sleep such a comforting endeavor. Since he entered my life, I look forward to my well deserved break every night.

I forgot my pillow. Sleep is less fun. I have a little moment of regret and loss every night when I lay my head on the cold, uncaring hotel pillows. They do not cradle my head and leave me feeling secure. They just lay there. It is almost as if they are just doing their job, they certainly don’t go above and beyond. They don’t invest part of their soul into making sure I get a good night’s sleep.

My new pillow takes his job seriously. He works as long as I need him too, and he rarely asks to take off early. (Well, except for that one night when he decided to take a walk off the edge of the bed to the floor. We talked about it and he promised to try to control himself from now on.)

I am tired. I miss my pillow.

Finding Happy

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I am finally in a place where my professional life is more secure. I am finding my confidence again. The last several months were difficult for me. I was under intense pressure at work, and it was spilling into every area of my life. I would be bouncing along and thinking every thing was better, then the rug would be yanked out from under me again. I became afraid to take a step. I did not want to fall.

I felt like I was trapped. I did not believe I had the ability to find another job. I did not believe I was good enough to work somewhere else. I had been told I was very good at my job clinically, however my personality and interpersonal communication skills were leaving something to be desired. In a nutshell, I was good at my job, but people did not like who I was! It was horrible. Talk about feeding into the negative self talk. Basically, it did not matter how hard I worked, I was not good enough.

I ended up reacting in unhealthy ways. I found myself locked into a pattern of wildly unstable emotions and I vacillated between wanting to quit my job and digging my heels in and wanting to fight for this job I had worked so hard for. I was losing my grip on reality. I was miserable. The funny thing about all of this is how I did not even know how unhappy I was. I cried at the drop of a hat, I could barely sleep, and I was not very interested in anything.

I find it interesting how a few negative comments can make you question every single bit of positive feedback you are given. It did not matter how many positive things I was told, all I heard was the negative things. It was a non-stop loop. “Nobody likes you. You are not wanted. You need to go somewhere else.”

Now, do not get me wrong I was working hard this entire time to find perspective and to make appropriate choices. I forced myself to try to be happy and to make healthy choices for my life. It was just a constant battle. Nothing came naturally.

The day came where I had to start making some decisions. Did I want to stay or did I want to go? It was horrible. I half heartedly started looking for a new job. I got some calls and offers. I started to find out how many opportunities there were for me. I talked to my family. I discussed it all openly and honestly with my mentors. I went on a job interview and was offered the job. I turned it down. That same week I had an interesting conversation with a recruiter. They had a position open and it sounded perfect for me. The terms were very good. I did not have to move.

So, I interviewed with this hospital over the phone. I really enjoyed the conversation and I was excited to see how it all panned out. It was all surreal. Was I really going to walk away from a full time job for a temporary Locum position? It actually turned out to be the best thing I could have done.

This week has been great. I am helping out at my old job as they are still looking for my replacement. I got to work with Work Mommy on Sunday, and this week has been Work Daddy. I felt like I had returned home. I do not have the panicky, scared feeling I had towards the end when I was leaving. I am simply doing my job. I am spending time with my mentors and I am loving my profession again. Perhaps full time employment is not what I needed.

It is dangerous to place your personal self-worth on your career. I had spent so many years focused on learning this role, and I had poured my heart and soul into it. I felt like a failure. I could not understand how anyone could care about me. I was not good enough.

What changed?

I stepped into a new role. I had very little training, and I was expected to utilize the skills I had acquired over the years. I had to be confident in my abilities or I would not be able to take care of patients. I had to trust people I did not know, and I had to be willing to pay attention and pick up new routines. I had to be okay standing on my own two feet.

Guess what? I did it. I was not perfect, and I found myself feeling inadequate. However, I have been receiving only positive feedback. The amazing part is how I am being supported at the new job, and at my old job. I feel like I have done a complete 180. I am finding my mojo.

I am more centered than I have been in over a year. I feel confident. I have hope for my future. I know I can do whatever I need to do to support my son, and to take care of my obligations. I am enough. I don’t have to be overbearing or demanding. I do not have to go into battle every day to prove I can overcome odds and obstacles. I can just do what I am supposed to do. It is okay to admit I need help. I can ask questions without being ridiculed. No one expects me to be perfect, that was probably all me.

Feeling appreciated is so powerful. It reinforces the benefits of working hard. I am also learning to stand up for myself and to look out for my own best interests. I do not have to ignore my needs to make sure that others are happy. I can be honest about what works for me, and I can insist on meeting my personal obligations as well as my professional ones.

I can make plans today. I can allow myself to do fun things and not feel guilty for not being at work every single weekend. I can take time off without shame. It did not matter how many times I was told to take off when I needed to, I did not believe it was okay. I always felt like I was doing something wrong.

I am learning so much about myself. I am learning to be content. I am finding an intense desire to have adventures and to live life to the fullest. I am curious about the world and my abilities again. I am interested in things outside my job again. I feel like a person again. I had lost all that. I was shrouded in failure. Now, I am so much happier since I shed the cloak.

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This kid is back!

Turns out, I am good enough. I am enough. I am not too much and too little all at the same time. I am me. That is a pretty fantastic place to be. I am finding my happy.

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I am remembering how to be happy and content. It is awesome. Finding the excited girl I used to be is awesome.

I am finally remembering what it feels like to be have an enormous weight lifted off my shoulders. It is perfectly acceptable to be happy and to love life. Life is good today.

Charm and Coercion

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My mother used to say I would argue with a fence post if it would stand there long enough. I am fairly certain she was exaggerating. I was mildly well, in my mind it was mildly, quick to offer an opposing viewpoint when I was younger. To be honest, I just love a good debate. I can generally see more than one side to just about any issue. This makes it difficult for me to choose a side.

I was eight years old when I was given Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. It is basically a manual for interpersonal relationship building. My issue with this book is that it seems to be written for salespeople. Sure, you want to gain people’s trust and to get them to buy into your ideas in the workplace. The book title sounds somewhat nefarious. Am I supposed to be fake and disingenuous in order to get my way?

No.

Once you delve into the book, you realize most of it is a handbook on how to be charming. I do not know many women who have this skill. At least there are not many women who charm me. However, I am a sucker for a charming man. There is some trick some men do. I have watched them. I am drawn in by them, even when I am trying to avoid it.

Do you know the shoulder touch? You are standing there talking to someone. You can be discussing the rain or any trivial subject, and they lean in a little closer. If they are taller than you, which most men are taller than me, they lean down and in a little, and they touch your shoulder or arm. Eye contact is paramount. They speak softly. Then you find yourself feeling a little giggly inside. It does not matter what position they hold on a subject, I find myself agreeing with them! I would fight to the death to defend their point of view. Well, maybe not to the death… but I would vehemently back them up. It is the craziest thing.

What is that magic power???? How do they do that? What part of my inner self are they speaking to? More  importantly, where do they learn that?

Sometimes I find myself wondering if they are being all charming and persuasive on purpose, or if they are just that slick all the time. Does my weakness for the arm touch mean I am a sucker? Probably.

So, what’s the point? 

There is a certain amount of charm and persuasion one must possess to be a good leader. Assholes are rarely inspiring. There seems to be a level of charisma required to actually inspire change in people. So, I find myself studying this book. It is not about specific leadership skills in a specific field, it is about how to win people’s confidence.

I have to know more about this subject. I think the best place to start is asking one of the charmers I know. I can imagine he will give me a look and refuse to answer the question, but I am going to ask anyway. Here are my questions:

  1. Do you realize you are being charming?
  2. Are you doing it on purpose?
  3. Where did you learn that?
  4. Does it require practice?
  5. Are you careful about when you choose to employ this skill?
  6. What happens when it backfires?
  7. What does that look like?
  8. I assume there are people who are immune to your charms, do you try to change tactics, or do you try to avoid those folks?
  9. Is there anything I can do for you?

See? It always ends up there. What can I do for you? Sneaky, charming men! I am mostly kidding, except I am not. I am seriously a sucker for the arm touch.

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Holy Cow, Man!

I was watching Magic Mike on Sunday, and while it is certainly not a study on human behavior, I found myself marveling at the way “Male Entertainers” use charm to make their act more inviting. It is actually about giving people what they want. Of course it helps when they are seriously hot. So, here are some of my favorite pics from google…

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I have to get a Rolls Royce.

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Seriously, can you be better looking?

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Swoon.

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Rescue me. Please.

Joe Manganiello is a good example of a charming hot guy. There are a lot more pictures of him I like, but this is a nice selection. He is beautiful. Oh! I got distracted. I was trying to make a point. Oh, well. It seems to be gone now.

It is not only extremely good-looking people who attract me. My newest crush is Anthony Bourdain. I am not sure what it is… I mean, he is older than my mother by nearly a decade. He is certainly not unattractive, but he is no Joe. I think it could be how passionate he seems. When people are passionate about their career, I find myself drawn in. I become interested in what they are interested in. I mean, if they love it so much it must be cool.

So, forget reading books on leadership. Be nice. Find ways to engage other people. Lean in and do the arm touch. Find your passion, and share it with others. It does not seem to be that difficult. Or, if all else fails be incredibly hot and avoid acting like an ass.

PS… I can’t wait to ask some of the charming men I know these questions. I wonder if they will play along and answer them.

I realize I nodded and gave you an affirmative gesture.

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This is not my hearing test, I found it on google. But, if I remember correctly, mine looks something like this.

I have some hearing loss in my right ear. I am by no means deaf, but there are certain sounds I do not hear well. Unfortunately, that includes many male voices. Since I find it annoying to say “What?” and “Huh?” and “I’m sorry, I did not hear you,” I have come up with some coping mechanisms. When someone says something in passing I generally assume they are offering a greeting. So, I nod and give a generic response.

This usually works. Unless it doesn’t.

Yesterday I was at work and the CEO of this little hospital walked by as I was waiting on the elevator. He said something unintelligible, and I responded with a nod and a half-hearted little thumbs up. He stopped, turned and looked at me expectantly. I had a moment of sheer terror. What on earth did I just agree to? Oh, crap. I agreed that kittens should be drowned at birth. I may have said I love Michael Bolton. Ugh! 

Nope, he had asked me to come open a locked door with my badge. He was waiting for me to walk with him. Oops. I am fairly confident I turned fifty shades of crimson, and I explained how I don’t always hear people, and that I probably should not pretend like I did. He laughed and it was no big deal.

I find it fascinating how people develop coping skills to hide their difficulties. Most of the time my hearing loss is no big deal. It is a thousand times better than it used to be. I have had several surgeries, and my surgeon did a fabulous job restoring most of my hearing. I am lucky.

Sometimes my hearing loss causes me a lot of embarrassment. Just add it to some of my quirks. Yes, I talk loudly. I have no idea when I am doing it. I don’t find it offensive when people give me signal that I have gone up several decibels. Just give me an indication. Seriously. I tend to try to walk to the right of most men, and I usually find it helpful to be facing you when you speak.

If I do not respond to you, chances are very great I didn’t HEAR you! I do not make it a habit to ignore people. That is rude. I am never rude on purpose. Well, maybe never is a strong word, but it is usually not my intention to be rude. I was raised with manners. 

When I walk, my path sometimes veers to the left. I may end up walking WAY to close to you for comfort. I may brush up against you. Oops, that tends to be awkward.

So, if our paths ever cross, and I respond wildly inappropriately, just get my attention. We can have a good laugh at my awkward attempt to compensate and life is good.

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Pretty cute representation.

PS: I am having fun and the doc I am working with this week has the same sense of humor as I do. We both find it riotously funny to see what big words we can throw into random conversation. It has become a challenge. If I were not afraid of defenestration, I would try to see if I could use that particular word in a piece of professional writing. hehe.

Do you wanna be my friend?

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Hi Dave. May I call you Dave? Please? I think you are pretty fantastic. We could be friends.

Okay, I admit it. I am one of those annoying people who fantasizes about famous people. I actually size them up and wonder if they would be a good friend. Now, most people know I am obsessed with Dave Grohl. I am pretty sure he would fantastically fun to hang out with. I am also convinced he would like me and my friends. Oddly enough, as I write about him there is a commercial for the Foo Fighters to be on The Today Show. Funny, because watching The Today Show is what prompted this post. 

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This is one of my favorite movies EVER! I love a good coming of age story.

Remember that scene from Almost Famous where Billy Crudup hangs out with some good Topeka people? That may be one of my favorite fantasies. Come on! Who wouldn’t want their favorite star to come hang out with them at a party full of their friends? Perhaps minus the acid trip.

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Doesn’t she look like a fun person? I love how she presents herself and I am pretty sure we would have a great time.

Perhaps my biggest fan crush is still Sandra Bullock. I am CONVINCED she would love to hang out with me and my friends. I love the people who seem real. Yes, I am very aware they are just normal people. That is the point. So am I! We already have something in common.  This all started this morning as I was watching the rerun of The Today Show and Jenna Bush Hager was choosing with Hoda Kotb. She looked so cute in her yellow dress, and she seems so down to earth and fun. I found myself wishing I could be her friend. The first thing I would tell her is how adorable that dress was.

This image released by NBC shows Jenna Bush Hager on NBC News'

Obviously not this dress. However, still adorable. She comes across so friendly and open on air. I love watching her. I am still sure we could be friends. LOL

Now, I have real friends. Lots of them. I also have a whole tribe of new friends who I get to go on adventures with. So, why do I judge people on whether or not I think they would make a good friend? It is a good yard stick. So, what makes a good friend?

  1. Honesty paired with kindness. If I look terrible in something, tell me! It is highly probable I did not realize how off I was that day. However, if I am excited about whatever outfit, hairstyle, or makeup technique I have tried, please be kind. You may gently redirect me if I am way off, but don’t humiliate me. I am sensitive.
  2. Always up for a laugh or a cry. You have to be willing to be with your friends in good times and hard times. If you bail as soon as the good times are over, you pretty much suck.
  3. You like me for me. I am quirky at best. Some people enjoy my quirks. Others, not so much. It is okay if we don’t necessarily gel, but don’t pretend we do.
  4. You forgive mistakes. I am not perfect. I make lots of social mistakes. I am not comfortable in many situations. This is getting better, however I still need lots of reassurance and advice. I want to fit in and have a good time. Help a girl out.
  5. You enjoy getting my random selfies from time to time. Yep. I am a selfie girl. This is new for me. I went years avoiding the camera because I felt fat. I finally realized it is fun to take silly, not always flattering pics of myself. I share them with you to make you laugh. Or just to be funny. LAUGH! That’s the point. I am not shallow I think these selfies mean anything. It has become funny. The middle-aged chick taking selfies like a teenager. Jump in the selfie with me. It is fun.
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See? It’s all about having fun. Not taking everything so seriously. Friends are fun!

I spent years feeling awkward and just not fitting in. Then, I learned to just be myself. I have nothing to prove and I am a lot nicer when I am comfortable being me. It helps that I have surrounded myself with people who enjoy my company and laugh when I am being funny. They also laugh at times when I am not trying to be funny… oh well, you can’t win them all. 

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Well, you gotta mix the selfies up.

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One of my favorite pics of all time There is a video that was accidentally shot first. We were having such a good time.

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Yes, it is completely appropriate to force the waiter into out selfie shenanigans. Don’t worry, we tip well.

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It is all about having a good time. You can be there in the not so good times, but in the end- we are having fun.

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You know, Angela has been making me take pics for years. She may be the first person who insisted on chronically our adventures with a camera. So, thank her or blame her. Man- Yet another time I was horribly sunburned.

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Highly posed selfies are the best. You don’t actually think these funny moments just happen do you? Of course they do! Sometimes they are recreated for the camera… but where do you think we get the idea?

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Obligatory group pic! The pretty lady in white was about to be a married woman.

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Of course only one of us was ready for this photo…. This is part of the fun!

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We are about to get Muddy!!!!

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I wish Kristianne’s face wasn’t cut off… but, I think Angela and I look great! We were having such a good time.

Angela, my best friend probably deserves some recognition. She has been essentially a photo journalist for as long as I have known her. I used to make fun of her for always having a camera, however she deserves credit. She was the first person besides my family who made me get in the picture. I am so grateful for that. It has allowed me to have a lot of memories I could have lost without the record. One important point: not all selfies have to flattering and at just the right angle. We need to stop trying to hide all our imperfections. They are just part of us. The people who love us, love us with our imperfections. They are well aware of those occasional skin breakouts. They know all about that funny face we make when we are laughing genuinely. They love it. Stop trying to make everything so perfect. Our people love us exactly as we are. If they don’t, they are not our people. Nyki, what is your point? You are rambling and for some reason walking down memory lane posting random pics on your plea for famous people to come hang out with you. Well, the point is our friends are the people who we pick to become part of our lives. We share our true selves with them. You can never love too many people. You just have to let them in. It is a good idea to get lots of pics, you never know when you will want to reminisce and enjoy a meandering stroll through your adventures and shenanigans with your friends. PS. If anyone knows Sandra Bullock, Jenna Bush Hager, Dave Grohl, or Vince Vaughn please let them know they are more than welcome to come hang out with me and my friends. I promise plenty of selfie opportunities, and we may just have to take a trip to Target. Why Target? Because that is what we do.

Funny things

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Come on! How could you not love this monkey? He is adorable! He looks like a little old man.

This little doggie makes me laugh. He (she?) reminds me of all the little dogs in my life. I love them. They are such fierce protectors. LOL.

This would be funnier if my ringtone was not formerly Call Me, Maybe. I love cheesy pop music.

Can someone please explain to me how we think it is okay to dress our dogs up? Wait! I know. To make memes is good. Okay. Carry on.

Best advice I have seen in a while.

So, I use Facebook as a distraction. Just a little something to make me laugh. I thought I would share some of the things I have enjoyed this week. Oh, and an elevator selfie. I could not pass up the opportunity for a funny picture.

Only three more work days until I get to go home. I miss my new bed. I miss my cats. Yeah, I am a little homesick. I suppose this is normal.

I am somewhat convinced this experience will leave me better off in the long run. It is worth it. I have met some interesting people, and I am learning a lot about myself.

I want to continue to grow both professionally and personally. This is a great way to ensure that. I cannot help but wonder what adventures are coming next. How long can a person maintain this pace?

This weekend when I go home, I get to go to work at my old job. I can’t wait. I miss seeing my nurse coworkers. I miss Work Mommy and Work Daddy (hehehe.) I am so glad to get to work with them again, even if it is just for a few days.

Most importantly, I want to see my family. I love them so much. They are my anchor in this world. When I feel uncentered and adrift, they help me to keep my feet planted on the ground. So, three more days until I head home… I am ecstatic.

Small town healthcare is different.

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My professional life has undergone huge changes recently. Working as a locum has been interesting to say the least. This is my first assignment, and to be honest, I am having a blast.

The most interesting part has been some of the things I have learned.

I take knowing the specialists in an area for granted. Trying to keep a sea of new names straight and remembering the process for dealing with them is interesting. I am lost most of the time. (Good thing the nurses know what is going on. I am so grateful they are so helpful. I really think I would be drowning without their assistance.) You do not just consult nephrology, endo, or GI. THEY DON’T EXSIST! So, I am looking up a lot of things I just don’t do often enough.

Small town medicine is different from medicine at home. The best way to compare it to my past experiences is to remember what it was like before I moved to the ICU as a nurse. I remember the mystery and confusion about how things worked after I transferred patients to ICU. Later, I moved to ICU so I could understand how critically ill patients were treated. I feel kinda like I am back on the telemetry floor, most things can be treated on the floor until they require more specialized care.

There is no dialysis. I miss dialysis. Dialysis is my friend. There is also no cath lab. I am not sure if there is interventional radiology or not. (I am pretty sure not.) This means that patients who need these services have to go.

I have a whole new respect for the hospitals that serve as major medical centers. I used to think it was dumb these little hospitals could not handle these issues. DUH! They don’t have the numbers to justify the expense of highly specialized services. That is why you have the larger hospital to receive the funneled patients from a large area. (It’s all becoming more clear!)

Living in a medical hub is quite different from living in a small town. I am not sure which I like better. The small town is interesting, and requires a broad knowledge base. I would think more importantly, it requires a certain sense of humility and practicality. You cannot be afraid to collaborate, and to admit when you are in over your head. It is very likely there are not four or five physicians following each patient, so you need to have a good grasp of basic standards of care for so many situations.

At some hospitals knowing hospital employees makes you a VIP, in these small towns everyone is a VIP. I love that. I think it is exactly how people need to be treated.

Mostly, I am thrilled to see so many competent healthcare providers in this small town. I suppose I always assumed people settled in these rural areas because they could not hack it in a larger hospital system. No… not so much. They are providing services for these communities and I am impressed. I am glad to be here. I cannot wait to see what other adventures are in store for me.

 

Happiness is Lubbock, Texas growing nearer and nearer…

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WestTexasServiceRegionI was born and raised in West Texas. I had never even been north of Texas until I was in my late twenties, and yet people always assume I am from “up north.”

For those of you who don’t know, people assume Texans have a drawl when they speak. I don’t have that. (Well, not much anyway.) I do say “Y’all” and I am always “fixin” to do something, however I speak fast. Apparently very fast.

Many Texans insert extra syllables into their words. I am watching the news, and this woman just said the word fun. She pronounced it with two full syllables “F- uhhhn” with a pause between the f and the un. LOL. No wonder they are perplexed.

So, here I am in East Texas and I have been asked more than once, “Where are you from?” It makes me laugh. I had speech therapy when I was young, and I have ADHD. My brain is always going 90 miles a minute. I also have a lot to say. So, I speak fast lest I forget what I was saying.

I find it funny. I am a proud Texan, and I still say some things with a hint of twang. Maybe I should get a T-shirt.

Now, does anyone have any tips for dealing with this terrible humidity? Home is dry and windy. Muggy and oppressive wet heat is permeating my soul. I feel waterlogged. Someone wring me out to dry.

One more week until I head home for a week. I cannot wait. I miss my cats. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I am loving the new things I am learning, and I have met some lovely people, but I am a West Texas girl.

I guess the song was true: Happiness really is Lubbock, Texas growing nearer and nearer. Thanks for that Mac Davis. You may be my favorite redneck philosopher.

I guess happiness was Lubbock, Texas
In my rear view mirror
But now happiness is Lubbock, Texas
Growing nearer and dearer
And the vision is getting clearer
In my dreams

– Mac Davis- Happiness is Lubbock, Texas in my Rearview Mirror

Life is good today.

I am off having adventures, seeing more of my great state, and exploring new opportunities. I am so grateful I have a home to go home to. It is nice to have strong roots. You can branch out and see new things, secure in the knowledge home is waiting for you.