Yesterday, I saw the latest Dove campaign that is promoting body positivity. There were two doors, one marked beautiful, and the other was marked average. The women who walked through the beautiful door had a big smile on their face. The women who walked through the average door had a look of resignation.
The part that made me cry was all the women who said that if they had the chance to do it over, would choose the beautiful door next time. Is it a crime to feel good about yourself?
Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Girls are taught that self-confidence is attractive, and they are also taught that airbrushed supermodels are the ideal we should strive for. We are taught that we should want to lose 10 pounds (or more!), finding a man is paramount for happiness, and that this lipstick will make us look more desirable. Don’t even get me started on the sex tips that so-called women’s magazines tout as helpful life tools.
We are bombarded with images that are not real all day long every day. Wear this magic bra, and Prince Charming will come knocking on your door… I’m sorry, but, what??? Some guy is going to fall in love with me because my breasts look amazing? This makes no sense at all to me. Wear this skin smoothing foundation, and you will look years younger. This will get him to notice me!
Who on earth is this elusive life partner that is combing the world looking for a girl exactly like me? I mean, who on earth would think that I have something to offer? I am loud, awkward, and a little difficult. I like to say I am strong willed. Where do you meet a man when your favorite activity is going to the movie alone? Or worse, curled up on the couch with a good book?
Even Cinderella required a magic fairy godmother to make her catch the eye of her prince. I don’t have a fairy godmother. I am not interested in internet dating, and I am not an easy girl to fix up. Oh, I had an odd encounter on twitter, where a dude wanted to suck my toes… (that was so uncomfortable.)
Seriously, I like to think that I am interesting, smart, and yes- I think I am a cute girl. I need to lose weight, but that is something I am working on. Does admitting that I would like to find a man make me desperate? The constant editorial running through my head confirms the desperation.
We are told that the fat girl is the sidekick. It is okay to be smart or funny. Don’t kid yourself though, the leading man is never looking for you. He is looking for someone with the whole package. Not the girl who failed to take care of herself. So, are you supposed to wait until you manage to figure out how to wrangle your body into perfection?
Which brings me to another issue.
My body is never going to be perfect. (Turns out that no one has the perfect body, there is always something that they want to change.) My goals have changed from wanting to look a certain way, to wanting to be able to accomplish certain things. This has been the healthiest switch in attitude for me. When I see “AMAZING WEIGHT LOSS TRANSFORMATIONS” I am a little sad. Why do we pretend as a society that life automatically gets wonderful if we lose weight?
I like to believe that I have already started the transformation, and that it is not wise for me to wait until I am “done” to feel confident. Seems to be a mindset thing.
So, here is the point. I am not certain what makes a person beautiful. I know that I am going to treat myself like I am. I am choosing that door.
The Accidental Boxer 
Believing that you’re beautiful is probably the most important thing. I’m not advocating complacency in life, but positive thinking. And no, I don’t believe that you will get everything you want if you believe in it. I’m just saying, positive thinking beats negative thinking.
I used to do a lot of negative thinking myself. That did me no good whatsoever.
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I completely agree. I used to think that by being exceptionally hard on myself- I was just being honest- or trying to be better. It took me a while to understand that I was just being mean, and leaving myself with no options for fulfillment. It seems to be somewhat better now- although I am still plagued by self- doubt and confidence issues.
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Yes, I thought that by being my own worst critic, I could make myself better, but it really didn’t work. I had to learn how to be confident, by unlearning self-doubt.
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Perhaps that comes with age. 😉
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It is really amazing to me how difficult it is to be confident. Even if I come across as confident and sure- I find myself agonizing over things. In some ways it is good, I am continually learning. In other ways, it is destructive- I am rarely pleased with my performance. I think this writing thing is like that. I really want to be a good writer- and I frequently feel like it is all just swill. I figure if I keep doing it, there will be improvement that even I can see.
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