Oh. wait. Nope. It did not actually snow that much. Oh, and ummm. I work in a hospital. I still have to go. Sigh. Groan. Fine. I’ll get up in a minute.
I wonder if it’s my turn on Trivia Crack… No. Sigh. Groan. Have you even seen Trivia Crack? It is better than Just about anything. No! I am not buying more turns. Somebody ask me to play!!!! I need to have a bunch of games going. I miss Words with Friends. But, one day I found that cheater app and then, I was compelled to use it. SO, it lost allure. (If I was playing you, and all of a sudden my skill level jumped… sorry. I cheated. I feel guilty. Well, a little guilty. It’s just a stupid phone game.)
Cheating. Ruins. Everything. While you may have started out innocently needing some help because all you had were H’s and U’s… Then, you find yourself being too lazy to think, impatience is bred by instant gratification. It is hard to go back. Finding a convenience is a slippery slope. It is kinda like our contact lists. I do not know ANYONE’s phone number anymore. If I ever found myself without my phone, and in need of calling someone, I would be so screwed.
I no longer feel the urge to learn directions I can use the map on my phone, get turn-by-turn directions, (I don’t have to think at all!) and while this has alleviated some of the stress in my life, I am vulnerable. I am actually dependent on my iPhone for EVERYTHING. I do not know my log in or password for most of my accounts, because I have them tied into an app. It is actually not an option to switch to a different brand of phone. Nope. I am going to have to stick with Apple. (Thanks for that Steve Jobs. By making my life easier you have ensured that I will always be buying the newest iPhone, and I have even developed a complete disregard for how much money I have dumped into iTunes. Yep. You were a visionary. A master of entrapment.)
So, I try to live my life with the ideal that anything worth having is worth working for. (Or, at the very least worth paying for.) This is why I never seem to get ahead. It never matters how much money I make, I always find something I NEED to make my life easier. Maybe making life easier should not be the point. (No, that is crazy talk. Hush your face!!! Someone is going to hold you to that ridiculous statement someday.) Okay, look. I am a sucker for things that save time and resources. Even if the resource is just a little bit of effort. Save steps! Don’t waste energy. Now, I find myself purposefully taking the long way around things, just trying to get in my fitbit steps (except, every time I am getting a whole bunch of steps in, I forgot to put it on!)
I am really trying to be mindful, and live a balanced life. I am trying to find new endeavors. I am trying to have something interesting to say. If I focus too much on one aspect of my life I have nothing to talk about. Worse, I am trapped. For example, if all I ever do is work, then work is the only thing on my mind. Every phone conversation is reduced to talking about my job. The only thing i can write about is work. That is boring. I do not want to be boring. I want to have hobbies and interests. I must avoid the tendency I have for developing tunnel vision. I tend to be an all or nothing kind of girl. This has not worked for me. (Why don’t you expand on that, Nyk? Don’t just throw the statement out there and move on….)
So, here goes…
I tend to be a little obsessive. If I find something I like, I cannot do it just a little bit. No, it becomes my entire focus. I become driven. I become annoying. I tend to fixate on things and actually manage to completely ruin them by making them THE ONE TRUE THING!!!!! The only thing I think about. I ponder, research, and worse…. talk about whatever it is that managed to come into my head. I find myself fitting the obsession into every conversation. I am like a teenager with a new boyfriend. It becomes all I can talk about. I forget that other people are not obsessed with whatever thing it is. I become inconsiderate, and I stop having real conversations. Everything is focused on me trying to analyze this new issue. This life changing situation. It makes me become a selfish, self centered prick.
This is where balance comes in. I have to be present, and allow new things to enter my life. I have to be engaged with others. I need to listen to their stories about what they love instead of just trying to perfect my own stories in my head. I tend to think about the best way to tell people about whatever profound idea I have found about my obsession to the point that I stop listening to their stories. All I can think about is ME!!!
Now, I think this is human nature. I honestly believe that most people have a little bit of this. We all have that friend who has gotten trapped in the fantasy of becoming a millionaire with whatever build- your- own- business- by- selling= this- product. You know what is funny? These multilevel marketing schemes are destined to fail. If I convince all of my friends to sell the same product I am selling, then I am going to run out of people to sell my crap to. Most of the people I know, know most of the other people I know. So, if we are all selling this stuff, who are we going to sell to? FaceBook proves this for me. You know that feature that shows you how many friends you have in common? I mean, if none of my “friends” knew each other, who would we have to gossip about? (For the sake of my reputation, I am going to say I NEVER participate in gossip. It is mean. We are actually just sharing concern for the people we know. Yeah, there, that is better.)
Oops. I was trying to find a topic, and to stick with it. How on earth did I go from SNOW DAY to multilevel marketing? Oh, well. I want to talk about this more. We all have those people in our lives who go on and on about whatever new kick they are on. Oh, you read a new self help book? PLEASE post your keen insights about how it manages to be applicable to EVERY SINGLE THOUGHT AND OBSERVATION YOU HAVE. Please post a thousand videos and memes about how you can apply the theory to your life and how it is going to make it better. Or, you decided to get a job in sales? Please only share your new insights and techniques 600 times a day. You found religion? Please let me know on FB how it applies to your life, my life, your career, my hobbies, my cat, Asia, the government…. Please Please only talk about that all day long every day. You know why? Because I do it too. We probably all do.
So, here is what I think I should do. I am going to start being present in the moment. I am going to allow myself to have new experiences. I am going to actively seek new interests. Instead of trying to know EVERYTHING about one particular subject. I am going to focus on knowing some about a lot of different things. I am going to try to not be obsessive. Until I become obsessive about not being obsessive.
Gee, it really is hard to not obsess. How can I force myself to not be so focused? Now, I am going on and on about not being obsessive.
Well at least today is a SNOW DAY! Oh. yeah, I forgot, it’s not. oops.
*This is so random. I probably should not even post it, however… I really don’t want to continue to obsess over not having obsessions so, I am going to hit the publish button anyway.
**You know, so I can stop obsessing and be balanced. I wonder how many times I am going to talk about balance now. Maybe tomorrow I can talk about cat videos. I am sure I have never mentioned that before.
***Damn! Now, I am obsessed with cat videos. Why can’t I have any moderation at all???
****Ellen likes cat videos. I wonder if Sandra Bullock has decided to be my friend yet.
*****See what I did there?
****HAHAHA! This was written so poorly that word press interrupted my posting to ask me if I would rather use the proofreader first!!!!